Moving On - LisaB

[Mozza]

LisaB! I'm so happy to see you back. I was wondering about you and already feeling the loss of a friend. You see we kept your seat warm.

As you might know, I go to great lengths to cut all ties to my WW. Of course, we have the kids, but I keep it to a minimum, not even a hint of color in my emails to her. I also tend to bunch my responses to her. I recently asked her to use email instead of text, which feels too direct. I certainly wouldn't have an investment with her. This being said, because of the kids, the contacts are constant and I so wish I could cut her out of my life completely. If you decide that this investment is too much trouble, make the decision for yourself then implement it steadily for he might want you to change your mind.

(I hate my own advice because I understand that my W got this kind of advice when she consulted friends and IC about the separation. She came to me with a final decision. Her motto is "I'm going forward, not looking back!" Argh.)

As for selecting a mate, I feel like I don't know much more than 20 years ago. I was so smug and confident when I selected WW. I went around saying how better I was at finding someone now that I was 29, that I knew what I wanted. Look at what happened: the worst decision of my life. In retrospect, there were so many red flags. It feels like I'll fall into new traps next time. Like I don't have any advice to give to anyone regarding their mate selection either.

One thing I'll say though is that the route to dating very rarely goes through friendship. It might feel like the safe road, but it's more like quicksand where the relationship will die. He's single now, but he might meet someone on Friday. I encourage you a little to question whether it's worth giving a little push to get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes we have good reasons, sometimes we have excuses. I'm not sure how to differentiate them, but I encourage you to explore.