Hi 2B, Went today and signed at W's house. Low and behold, her daddy is back! I should have guessed. His being around is all it takes to make her act out. It also tells me why she has been pushing to get the last D stuff paid and out of the way. He is going to make this so much harder than it should be! God, I just can't believe the amount of power that man has over her. The worst part of all this is I did mess up the taxes. I made a mistake that was stupid and short sighted. But I can't go back in time and fix it. All I can do is the best I can now to fix it. I admitted it was my fault. I have done everything in my power to fix it and have done ALL the work trying to fix it but now W has a REAL reason to spew at me. You know I actually felt really bad about making a mistake but you know what, I'm human. I realize now that for several years before B-day I felt like I HAD to be perfect since every little thing I would do that W thought was "wrong" I would hear about it. I would than think "Oh, man, she's right, I really messed that up" and it really did a number on my self-esteem. I stated to avoid doing things at all because if I didn't do them the "right" way, I would get pounded by her.
Wow, a bit of a break-through there. I never used to be the kind of person who was timid about anything. Now I see that I became timid because I didn't want to be told how I messed up....AGAIN. That needs to be addressed. I have to be conscious of times where I start to fall into that trap still.
I guess that's part of our journey. We get to make these discoveries about ourselves and start to fix our own problem areas. Too bad that MLCers can't do the same. If only they could admit to their own self that they may have acted in ways that contributed to things being "unhappy". I'm guessing that's what couples who don't have one suffering with MLC do to learn how to save a M. They are able to look at what they may have done and in that way learn that their S is just a flawed human like they are. If only they could do that so many M"s could be saved and so much pain could be avoided!
