I had lunch with d20 today. She is still raw after bf broke up with her, and we both love lobster, so it was Red Lobster time.
And yes, the checklist in my mind gave a blue ribbon for my time with kids this week - s13, I had him this weekend, played basketball and went to his 1st baseball practice yesterday - check. D17, I took her to the movies, and then I called to apologize to her yesterday for my being "Mr. know-it-all" (she had already forgotten) - check.
I watched Game of Thrones last night and was texting d19 in Boston the whole time. It is fun to have someone who understands when I say "Jon Snow is da' bomb!" - check. And today's lunch with d20 was a nice way to enjoy all of my kids in the last few days.
D20 told me that though her bf broke up with her, he is now trying to get back with her. They had been going out for 1 year, so it was serious, but she decided he is not worth the effort anymore where he doesn't trust her and he keeps making the same mistakes. I tried to let her know that boys/guys need help from the women in our lives to grow into men. More caring for others, and less self-centered. And that there are no perfect guys out there, so I wanted her to keep an open mind about her ex-bf.
And yes, she is part of a different generation. The night she changed her FB status to "single" she had 22 offers for a date from other guys. Yikes!
But then I decided to open up to d20 about a number of issues involved in our future:
- I told her mom and I are not getting back together;
- She told me that I am much healthier now, and that I feel like I am ready for another R, where I do not "need" another person in my life, but that I am ready to be appreciated and cared for by someone else, and to have someone to share my life with;
- D20 asked if I was going to be married to someone else. I told her "yes", that I enjoy being married to another person in my life, but that this will take time;
- D20 asked if I was going to have more kids, and I told her I cannot. She asked if the hypothetical future W would have other kids, and I told her let's not get ahead of ourselves;
- I told her mom was on welfare and food stamps, and she turned down a job offer a few months ago;
- I explained that s13 was probably going to live with me/us during the week starting in the summer;
- I don't know what our living plans will be (d20 lives with me), but that there may be a change coming soon. We may need to move;
- I also told d20 that I may be having another surgery to my spinal cord b/c of some things getting worse in my nervous system (I saw my neuro-surgeon this past Friday).
I threw a lot of information at d20, and she seemed a bit overwhelmed by the end of the lunch. Allow me to try and rationalize this to y'all out there, and why I did this - I come from an open family, who is very close and shares everything going in our lives. W's family is secretive and plays everything close to the vest. In fact, I recently learned W had her own bank account when we first got married, and she never told me. I prefer openness.
My kids have questions. So I do not want to have secrets in our family, and for my part I want to treat my d20 as an adult and keep her informed of all that is going on. I'll see if I dumped on her too much in the coming days.
