W affair October 2014 with co-worker, he still waiting in the wings, some contact still, maybe more, not sure. WW says disconnect occurred late summer 2014 and that it was slow and painful for her but that she could no longer take the pain of my rejection and continued affairs. W says her affair largely emotional but some physical. OM is 35 year old never married, no kids co-worker. He supposedly has backed way off once W sent text message that she was deciding future of marriage and needed space, that text was prompted by me back in Jan 2015 once I uncovered affair. H complete life change started Fall 2014 as I watched wife disconnecting from me, losing my best friend and life partner. What took me so long? Hitting the bottom so to speak, having such a big loss, maturing, therapy, all helped me start to make permenant change. Too little to late?
W never approached me, I had to approach her in Jan 2015 about disconnect that I had been asking about since fall 2014 and what was wrong. Thats when she said I am done, it is over, I have no love or connection for you any longer. 2 weeks later affair admitted when I caught texts and finally confronted her about other suspicions including longer hours at work and dressing up more for work. W is strong christian as am I. Affair and last few months behavior not like her at all. Very hard heart. Very strong willed, very much intent on Big D, seems to be getting closer each day. W see's pastoral council who does not encourage divorce but has reportedly released W from marriage per Godly wisdom and prayer due to my years of infidelity. W agreed to go to christian marriage intensive after 4 weeks of physical separation and saying God opened the doors for her to go even though she did not want to go. 3 hours into 20 hour marriage intensive wife says she is pursuing divorce unless God radically changes her heart for me and re-connects us or gives her big sign to stay in marriage which she says she has been praying for on/off since fall 2014. W says she had visions of me with another very attractive Christian woman and that God has given her others signs that she is ok to Big D and move on with her life. W says God has released her. W getting lots of pressure from some of her family and mine to Not get a Big D.
I did all the wrong thing in Jan/Feb 2015. Pulled way back during 4 week physical separation. Did all the wrong things at marriage intensive, we left 8 hours into 20 hour 3 day intensive. Moved back into our home 10 days ago after returning from the intensive, she was not happy about me moving back in, said she wanted time to pray about next step. I told her she could do so while I was in the house, separate bedrooms, giving her lots of space, no more begging, pleading, lamenting like I did at intensive and first 6 weeks after her saying she was done then finding out about affair. DBing coaching, following Sandi's rules, detaching, giving a ton of space in the home. Communication and family time have felt normal but different. Expecting Big D filing any day, know that she is looking hard to leave the home, find her own, place and start fresh. W said things at intensive that I never had heard before like, I want my own life, make my own decisions, be responsible for myself. She has a good job but money is tight right now due to recent travels and expenses so getting her own place might take a month or more but believe W has not changed her mind about big D and starting over. I am continuing to change regardless as I will not do this again to another person or to myself. Ive been affair free since last spring. Feeling great about where I'm at as a person regardless of my ending M.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/13/1507:33 PM. Reason: edit for carriage returns and readability
