Raliced - Sextet

[Mozza]

Yeah, I typed "bone marrow", then went back to check your post and saw "blood" and, since English is not my native language, I thought "I thought marrow was... oh well, it might be a thing!"

I was thinking of a new relationship more towards the beginning of my sitch. I was very concerned about how I would fit someone in this situation. For instance, at my age, I'll likely meet a woman who already has kids, and all that comes with it (schedules, ex-H, etc.). Or a woman who's in a hurry to have kids because she's almost 40. And I don't want any more, or at least I don't want to make a rush decision in the first couple of years of a relationship I don't want to have two separate families on my hands, should another D occur. So, for that reason and others (kids), I would think that the only person that fits perfectly into my life is WW, hence we should really reconcile.

Since then, I've moved my focus more towards me. I'm more interested into casual dating, as you know. And yes, that means ONS, FWB and the likes. That's another kind of relationship and commitment, but not the ones we talk about here. Then again, I can tell that my urge is to connect emotionally with people, that's how I've always done it. I'm afraid of falling for the first person to whom I'm rather physically attracted. I've done it once, twelve years ago, and it created a bit of a mess. I expect that 2-4 years from now I might start to panic and want to build something with a new person. I don't see myself alone for a long time. I feel whole in a couple and I miss this feeling already. But also, I can't see myself lowering my standards just to be in a couple.

As for finding a person that fits, I'm not as concerned now. I think of the "world of abundance" of NMMNG. I realize now that I tend to see a lot of shortages in love and relationships, so it makes me clingy to whatever scraps I find (like a woman cheats on me twice and who's parents reject me by birth) rather than setting my standards until I find the right person. I'd say this is the general message of my IC: Be confident, put yourself out there, be relentless in finding the right person. I also see that WW doesn't click all that much into my life. I don't know that I'll ever trust her not to do it again, because her A seem to be in line with her personality and beliefs (not in cheating, but in passion, the lives of celebrities, romcoms, seeking personal happiness, girl power as self-sufficiency, etc.)

Also, she's from another country and it was always going to be a mess, moving continent every 10 years. I have dreams that are incompatible with this, such as designing my own house and being with my parents in their old age. She left, the awful transition is behind me, I'm starting to be excited about this new life, why do I want to go back in this precarious place where it may happen again in 5-10 years (abroad!) because she's bored of the routine and met yet another handsome, sweet-talking colleague?

At the same time, I'm proud that I really loved her, that I was going to honor my vows and make this relationship work. Though I had my role in the M failings, I won't bear the responsibility of the D or the A. I still consider myself marriage material.

OK, your turn!