I have to reread your posts, I was following but I'm not crystal clear on all of it. But man, I hope you learn from this encounter.
No pursuing. No temperature checking.
What happens is the WAW is conflicted. They are feeling empowered, excited, resentful, etc. But they are also feeling guilty, regretful, and heartbroken. Those two feelings are playing tug of war.
When you see the conflict it's natural to want to jump on the side of "heartbroken" and start pulling. But what happens is that as soon as you do it pulls her out of balance, uncomfortably closer than she wanted to get. She responds the only way she can which is to stop feeling that way and focus all of her power on the other side of the coin. YOU ARE FORCING HER TO STRENGTHEN HER POSITION ON DIVORCE because that's the only way she can keep from being pulled closer than she wants to be!
Instead you need to validate only. "I can see why this is so difficult". Nothing in there about how it's difficult for YOU. Nothing in there to guilt her. To try to wake her up. Just acknowledgment, then back to your detachment and GAL.
No it's not easy, but it's your M you're fighting for.
Not trying to pour salt on the wounds after a tough day. It's ok to make mistakes, lord knows we all do. I just want you to think hard about this and learn from them so you don't drive her all the way to another M before you switch strategies.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
