Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Pyrite]

Hey Jim,

still have some replies to catch up on but your post sorta sums it up, or at least points to my "frustration". maybe both here as well as in the M. Ya see (in terms of Z'a model) - I was playing high cards. My W started playing low cards, below 5 even. i DID speak up. persistently. She agreed, but nothing really changed. Still the low cards. My cards got lower as well. I spoke up again. On all fronts I got shutdown. I am happy to provide details if anyone wants. I got seriously depressed. Several months later I recovered, but only onto a plateau from where I played mostly 1-5 cards. And then obsessively made her played card (or my perception of it) the motivation for my next play. I would punish her with a 1 if she gave me a 4 etc.

Weeks ago Zeus posted about ego driven resentment. This is what happened. But largely she had been ALMOST immune to this "condition". In part at least because she had mostly always played relatively high cards.

Now - I can anticipate criticism here. And with all due respect, there may not EVER be justification for returning with a 1 or 2, but I am human. I wish that I had've been stronger and been able to respond with higher cards for longer regardless of what I was given. That is all I can fix. I can't change what happened and I dont expect NOR want to aim for just dealing out high cards no matter what.

I DO want to learn greater tolerance etc. I know that if I had've persevered, or been able to, remain calm and happy for what I have rather than resent what I dont, then things would probably be different now. The most toxic element of this is that it just spiralled out of control. Once I started making her responsible for my happiness it just got worse and worse. And my ego drove it, so it was coming from a hard front as well.