Wayward Wife and the Way of LRT

[Defacto]

Hello all. To start off, I have read DR and have been following many of the threads on this board for almost two months. I figured it was time to throw my hat in the ring in search of some good old fashioned feedback.

Here’s my sitch:
W gave me the “I don’t feel satisfied with my life” and “I’ve been stonewalling you for years” talk the week of Xmas. I was surprised by this as I suspected none of it and reacted poorly by stonewalling her for the next few days.

The following week, my W told that she felt we needed to separate. Again, I initially reacted poorly by getting angry and spiteful. However, eventually I realized the severity of the situation and calmed down.

The following week or so, I began to play the role of a perfect spouse in order to show her I could change. I also spiraled into depression. She struggled to show any affirmation towards my attempts.

Then on January 8th, I confirmed the affair through text messages. She had become emotionally and physically involved with an OM at work. A few days later, she told me ILYBINILWY.
After my initial anger when discovering the affair, I decided I wanted to try and save the marriage. We attempted 5 session of MC but it seemed ineffective, especially because W was continuing to contact OM.

For a month, I was the poster child for pursuit and not what to do. I was a physical and emotional mess. She was completely repulsed by any of my advances. Needless to say, none of this worked and she continued her relationship with OM.

In February, I read DR and began to apply LRT. Immediately, W responded. She began to initiate all physical contact and even started to sound remorseful for the affair. W even stated that she wanted to work on our marriage for the kids. I thought this was my chance to reply. However, when I asked for NC with OM, W stated that she felt that OM was the only person she could talk to about her situation. So, I returned to LRT.

(Just a little background about the relationships that surround my W and our marriage that could help understand this dynamic. When I met my W, I was already established in our city and had many close friendships. Many of my friends were also getting married at the same time we were. As a result, many of my W’s best friends are my best friend’s wives. When the affair was discovered, she immediately told her best friend and I told my best friend. As a result, the news got around in our little circle. My W’s friends attempted to give her good advice about breaking off the affair but my W just refused to do it. As a result, these same friends cut off most contact with my W. This loss of friendship for my W has been difficult and hurtful for her. She has also linked any chance at reconciliation in our marriage with these same friends. She has said that she could never be around any of these friends ever again.)

Not a whole lot has changed since mid-February other than my W receiving elective cosmetic surgery LOL. Our encounters are friendly and cordial. I have been very consistent with my LRT techniques. I do not initiate any phone contact and keep all conversations brief or about the kids. My W has made a handful of attempts at spending alone time with me. However, I have resisted most of these as I did not feel it was appropriate to spend alone time while she was actively involved with OM.

On 04/02, my W got into it with one of her friends about her affair. As a result, she blamed me for the loss of all her friends and she was moving out. She blamed for discontinuing MC. She claimed that I gave up on working on our marriage because she was the only one initiating any contact or planning anything together. In response, I told her that I was and still am willing to work on the marriage but only if she agrees to NC with OM. But I did tell her that I can’t wait forever and it appears that our marriage is heading towards divorce.

On 04/05, my wife finally moved in with her parents. The last week brought about some interesting comments from my W in response to her new situation and my GAL’ing: “This is the best version of you that I have ever seen” & “This is the happiest that you have ever been since I’ve known you.” Additionally, she called me on 04/10 to tell me how much she missed me. However, I know that I can’t believe a word she says at this point, especially with an OM in the picture.

We have talked about D at times, but now it is more than ever. Usually the conversation revolves around how all of her work friends tell her that she should get an attorney but that she doesn’t want to go that route. We have both pledged to be peaceful and graceful in this transition, especially with our kids. She has moved most of her stuff out of the house. Based on our conversations, it seems as if D is almost a foregone conclusion.

I don’t want a D and I still want to try to reconcile. Numerous times over the last few months, I have acknowledged my role in our marital problems and have pledged to give every ounce of my being to save our marriage. However, I refuse to give up LRT until she agrees to end her relationship with OM. I have not pressured her to do this however. I have simply let her go and told her that I just want her to be happy. I continue to tell myself that I will be fine either way. I’m just not sure I have fully accepted a reality without my W yet. I think deep down inside I expect us to reconcile in the future.

I know there are a lot of details I left out but I wanted to make my story as brief as possible. I figured I could fill in the blanks if anyone had a specific question.

I guess my first question would be, should I just be patient and continue on my path of LRT’ing or should I begin to try something else?

Thoughts?