We (kids and I ) are taking a trip soon. I will not be sending any postcards to her from the kids .
C'mon Heavy...you are much bigger than that petty wench. You will send W postcards from the kids when you have your turn. Remember...cordial, polite...that one?!
So my overiding question. Does she not feel my guilt or remorse ? I don't know but am pretty sure if they were me I would feel awful about sending my MIL a "miss you" card after I had destroyed their family.
Am I reading this this wrong way? I guess so, she obviously does not see it they way. That is just so strange to me. I guess we just have different value systems. For years she would say during an argument " we don't have the same values". I always interpreted that to mean that I was lacking somehow. Now I don't feel that way.
Maybe I can learn from this. I know this probably doesn't seem like such a big deal but to me just another kick to the stomach. Jeez.
Ok - I will just have to be the bigger person here and not react out of anger or fear but from a higher place. I will just make myself do it.
heavy, what you know or think you knew about her value system is irrelevant at this moment. She is not herself and she is not going to act like the W you always knew. So try not to read into why she would send her MIL a card. You can spend all day trying to guess and I will promise you that you will never understand what is going on in her mind at the time she did it.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
What are you hoping for when you interrogate your mind and this board about what your WW is thinking? Surely you know that the answer is not here. Then what?
One of the things I learnt reading the success stories is that we never really know what goes on with them. The stories from backstage that the LBS hear upon R are often way off what they had interpreted. Give up.
You seem to expect your WW to validate your feelings. You want her to know and acknowledge that you're hurt, remorseful, etc. Not gonna happen. It's time to rely on your own opinion of yourself.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
What are you hoping for when you interrogate your mind and this board about what your WW is thinking? Surely you know that the answer is not here. Then what?
One of the things I learnt reading the success stories is that we never really know what goes on with them. The stories from backstage that the LBS hear upon R are often way off what they had interpreted. Give up.
You seem to expect your WW to validate your feelings. You want her to know and acknowledge that you're hurt, remorseful, etc. Not gonna happen. It's time to rely on your own opinion of yourself.
It truly is a waste of time to try and figure out their thought process behind why they do what they do. Imagine what you could do with all of that time?!
And I did try to speculate why my H did crazy things when he was gone. He viewed things completely different from me and why he did things were the polar opposite of what I had convinced myself he was doing.
There are so many things I would do differently but the top thing would be to have stopped spending so much time wondering who what why where
I have seen your posts and you're a wise DBer. But....
Originally Posted By: DaddyLongShanks
However you do not have to allow it. You can divorce her her and get on with your life. Or you can also do as she is doing and get you a girlfriend who appreciates someone like you while you wait on her to turn around. She will likely never turn around, most of them never do.
Huh?! I respectfully disagree with you right there. You know what we say about absolutes around here...right? Never say 'never.'
Haven't you read any success stories??! You are way off base right there, buddy.
You are way off base right there, buddy.