I feel like a really small person for thinking this but here goes:
1. My kids took a vacation without me for a week to Utah 2. It hurt like heck to know they were without me 3. My D6 sent me a post card addressed of course by my WW 4. My S9 and D6 sent a post card to my Mom (their Grandmother) addressed of course by my WW.
All this did was make my cry all over again. Am I wrong for thinking to myself, "My WW blows up our family and our marriage" and has the kids sending me and my Mother post cards that read "I miss you". Does that not strike anyone as ironic but me?
I just have to get over this emotionally but I guess I will just have to make peace that this will always hurt. Maybe over time, the pain will diminish. I guess I should be grateful that they even thought of me and their Grandmother.
Any other way I can frame this to myself to make it hurt less?
No respose to this so I thoght I would post it again. Tughts? I am being a jerk for feelng this way?
I feel like a really small person for thinking this but here goes:
1. My kids took a vacation without me for a week to Utah 2. It hurt like heck to know they were without me 3. My D6 sent me a post card addressed of course by my WW 4. My S9 and D6 sent a post card to my Mom (their Grandmother) addressed of course by my WW.
All this did was make my cry all over again. Am I wrong for thinking to myself, "My WW blows up our family and our marriage" and has the kids sending me and my Mother post cards that read "I miss you". Does that not strike anyone as ironic but me?
I just have to get over this emotionally but I guess I will just have to make peace that this will always hurt. Maybe over time, the pain will diminish. I guess I should be grateful that they even thought of me and their Grandmother.
Any other way I can frame this to myself to make it hurt less?
Hi HeavyD, I don't have any great insights, but I wanted to let you know I keep up on your sitch.
Your feelings of pain are valid. Your feelings of missing out on a fun time with your WW and kids are also valid. You are not being small or a jerk for having these feelings.
On the postcards, what if WW had not sent the postcards, would you have felt better?
It seems that you should take the postcards at face value - that your children missed you, they expressed this to their mom, and she made a simple gesture by sending the postcards to make sure that you knew the kids were thinking of you.
I am not sure why the postcard was sent to your mother, but again accept it as a thoughtful gesture, and nothing more.
Any way to make it hurt less? Ha, if you have the secret elixir for this, please share it with all of us. Sometimes things just don't make sense, and there is no way to get our heads around them. That is why the DB program preaches detachment and GAL. In this, what WW is doing eventually becomes less important to us. Best wishes.
It's like she is trying to normalize the situation and yes now that's all behind us here's s postcard. Gah!
This chit drives me crazy - I don't want your stupid postcards nor notes or anything updates about what you may or may not be doing. I talk to my kids on the phone and that's enough for the weeks I don't have them.
I view it as manipulation using the kids as bait. My WW can suck an egg.
Your emotions are yours to own...the only way is get through it. Feel them, process them, acknowledge them....they are what they are.
I think it is good that the kids sent you a postcard. That is what people do when they travel afar. I do it when I travel...send postcards to loved ones.
After reading about your WAW, I suspect that there is probably a little passive aggressiveness going on. However, maybe not. I would send her a quick note thanking her for the thoughtful gesture. That way she doesn't get to think that she upset you, and you don't say anything else that looks like pursuit.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
I completely understand your frustration Heavy. I have been there. This is why detaching is SOOOOOO important to your mental stability and ability to even function. I know what it is like to analyze every single action the WW takes. I know what it is like to see even a glimmer of hope in one of her actions and get my hopes up only to be torn down sometimes that very day. Detachment and patience will be what gets you through this. Knowing this does not make it easier, but somewhere down the road you will look back and understand it a little better when you have truly detached. Just do your best to not try and analyze the good or bad actions on her part or try to find rhyme or reason to them. None of it will make sense and none of it means anything in the long run.
Best of luck to you!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
After reading about your WAW, I suspect that there is probably a little passive aggressiveness going on. However, maybe not. I would send her a quick note thanking her for the thoughtful gesture. That way she doesn't get to think that she upset you, and you don't say anything else that looks like pursuit.
No no no no. Do not respond at all. Thank your kids the next time your see them, but do not acknowledge anything to your WAW.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
After reading about your WAW, I suspect that there is probably a little passive aggressiveness going on. However, maybe not. I would send her a quick note thanking her for the thoughtful gesture. That way she doesn't get to think that she upset you, and you don't say anything else that looks like pursuit.
No no no no. Do not respond at all. Thank your kids the next time your see them, but do not acknowledge anything to your WAW.
