Jim0987 #13 - Its life Jim, but not as we know it

[Sotto]

Hi Jim, I was interested to read your post above. And I must admit, your W's unwillingness to engage with you has always bothered me too. After all, things are resolved for the time being for you guys, and it is in the kids' best interests if you two are interacting as well as possible. There just doesn't seem to be any good reason for her to be like this - particularly as she has been the wayward one.

I can understand you about the D process, and that may be a reason to wait. I think my H may well go ahead and file as I have said I won't stand in his way. By that I mean I won't contest it if he files on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour (although it would be a bitter pill to swallow I admit.) If your W filed on these grounds would you contest it?

You say that there isn't an opportunity to see many of your changes. But I think your W will notice if you are feeling happier in yourself and enjoying life more. It may be in your sitch that 'life' will start to bring forth consequences for your W. Things may be going well in the R with OM for now, but we know the stats on this and the odds of long term success are slim. If things sour, this may be the point at which your W does break and start to feel some more humility. But I think your approach is right, and I'm pleased to read about the new things you are doing.

One other thing that stood out for me was her grief and your support of her following the loss of her dad. That is a difficult one. My cousin split up with her partner last year, following the death of her Mum. She felt her partner wasn't able to support her at all, and this was the last straw for her. Have you explored with your IC why you found this so hard. I can see that your W may find it hard to forgive, when you weren't able to be there for her at a time when she needed it. I'm not saying that to be critical at all, but I can see that must have been hard.

Anyway, I guess the overall message from me would be that there's always hope until or unless you decide to 'move on.' And it is clear from your posts that you are moving forward.

Are there ways to shake up your sitch? I still think it's not a bad idea to try interacting slightly differently with your W. Asking how she's doing one time. Not asking the next. Complimenting her on something one time. Being self contained another. Putting some cookies the kids baked in a little bag for her one time. And just monitoring how things go. I can't believe that she will remain so unresponsive for ever...

You're doing really well anyway Jim. And I always value your wise words and support on these boards. ((Jim))