Introduction - least creative title

[Closer2]

Thanks TenBook, Kramer, and Mozza. I really do appreciate the advice and/or comments. I've never been one to talk about stuff going on in my life or emotional stuff. That was a big problem STBX had. That's changed recently and it just posting here helps tremendously.

I'm not reading the chats anymore. I know what I need to know.

Mozza, I never wanted to leave her. I didn't have the guts to ask for help. We would talk, both of us would make short lived changes, then we be back in the rut again. It was text book stuff. I keep stuff bottled up too much. I still do. I'm working hard not to keep everything inside because it explodes out eventually. Just like NMMNG states.

I don't understand the "buts" either. I feel like I have this new piece of Ikea furniture, I really want to build this and it's going to be awesome. Only, I don't I have the instructions. I've read the instructions. I have the tools. I know what parts need to be in place, but I can't get the damn thing together to save my life. Thinking of my M as cheap furniture probably isn't healthy, but my point is I ask myself why I said what I said shortly after I said it.

I have a hard time STFUing when I get rolling in conversation or a debate. I feel like I'm trying to sell her on me. Like she's a hard nosed client and I'm going to win this deal because that's what I do.

I can't do that with a R. I know I can't talk her back to me. I'm going to have to work on having the internal buzzer go off when I sense myself wanting to try to reason with her convince her. I must be better about choosing my words carefully and not letting my emotions take over when I talk with her. Self-control is a big issue in those instances. The only think I can control I myself, I need to repeat that to myself over and over.

It's hard work. This is by far the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my entire life. People that have been divorce multiple times are crazy. Maybe they're just used to it.