KGirl - letting the past go

[KGirl]

It's been awhile! I guess the less I apply the "D" label to myself and think about myself in those terms, the less I think about posting here. I do still review the threads from posters I've been following since they started.. but I feel like my story and time here may be near the end.

Our final hearing date is scheduled for May 5. Pending something bizarre happening, we will be d'ed on that date. At this point I'm really not trying to actively engage STBX in anything or be overly hostile towards him. I mostly act like he doesn't exist and respond to his questions/inquiries about logistics. We have to meet w/ the mortgage loan consultant at the end of April as I have to sign something as part of the refinancing and all. I do find it embarrassing to think about sitting down with the person who helped us get our loan originally only to have to do all of this just a couple of years later. But, then again, I think it's a bigger deal in my mind because it was our first house - lots of people move frequently and only live in places for a few years at a time (or get d'ed after a recent move) so it is what it is. I just keep reminding myself it will all be over in less than a month and hopefully no more things to think about on that front.

The guy I spoke about early that I don't find attractive but seems to be interested in me... has been laying out a lot more hints. Mostly little things like sending me messages after a group outing asking if I got home safe, or saying "I was really glad I got to see you tonight!," stuff like that. At one point he said something about thinking about buying a house, and I said "I do miss my house and think about buying a condo, but who knows where I could be or end up in a year or two, it doesn't seem worthwhile." So he asked me what my goals were in terms of where I might want to live and work, etc., and then he said "well, you seem really intelligent so I'm sure you'd be fine wherever you go, but I think you should stay in [current town] :)" So in that aspect he is very opposite of STBX, at least STBX as he was at the end, in that this guy is fulfilling some of my needs to fill cared about or thought about or doted on. But, that's still not making me any more attracted to him... whereas STBX I do still find physically attractive. There must be physically attractive guys out there that have those other emotional/communication qualities, right? I've been responding to this guy's messages and being chatty but I wonder if I'm sending the wrong message by doing so. I thought I was just being friendly but who knows how things get perceived. I guess if he does ask me out, there isn't really harm in going on a date, seeing how that goes, and if I'm still not interested then making that clear afterwards.

Now I am getting more into dating than D talk but at this point there is no saving my M so I'm just working on the fact that D is inevitable and moving forward with my life. I still really thought I might be one of those people who could make it work because I just couldn't fathom life without STBX (still can't, in some ways) but, so it goes. It will be OK. Life will go on. It went on after the Badgers loss (though the guys I watched it with felt otherwise...) and it will go on after this!