Introduction - least creative title

[Mozza]

I don't know how you guys do it. I never read anything between WW and OM and the smallest thing I know hurts me. Sure, I'm curious to see what was going on, but it seems like reading these exchanges would only keep me in the past and thinking about WW, which would be counterproductive on so many levels. My job now seems to focus on myself, the present and the future. I'm not all that good at it, but I go at length to avoid situations that make it harder.

Why didn't I work harder to save my M?

Because you didn't want to be M with her but you didn't have the courage to leave her? This is the provocative suggestion that my IC put to me early in our consultations. I resist the idea to this day, but it does give me a different take on the S, so I share it with you.

I did tell her that if she is willing to devote 110% to our M, to build a new M, I would devote 110% with her. That it would take time and it wouldn't be easy, but I would like nothing more than to give it our best effort. I knew it wasn't a good time to say that last night, but I wanted her to know that I'm willing. I also wanted her to know that it wasn't something to be taken lightly. From reading Sandi's post about R, I knew it was too early to even consider R, but I wanted her to know I still haven't give up completely.

I don't understand these "buts" where the LBS state that they know what they should avoid, yet give a reason why they did it anyway. I find them on the threads of many Nice Guys who are trying to save their M, yet they make no sense. The professions of love, the pursuing, the confirming-the-door-is-wide-open, it's all counterproductive. It makes it more likely that she'll go and less likely that she'll come back. It's in DR, NMMNG and Models. Sandi2 is at a loss to understand why LBS can't get it in their heads. She's started threads to explain it, she asked the question and answered them, she's shared her experience. Yet, so many LBH just want to tell WAW, one last time, that the door is wide open because they don't want the WAW to think that they are moving on. But that's exactly what she should think to have second thoughts. Anyway, it's all very very basic DB and it's been explained a million times around these boards. I guess I'm so puzzled by these statements because I work so hard to rein them in, even though I want to write them, say them, sing them, carve them. I do it because that's the only thing that doesn't damage my sitch further. Perhaps it's a matter of self-control? Or you just don't really believe that's how it works? Or that your sitch is different?