Yeah, I struggle between saying things how it is and realizing I need to STFU. I'm honest and truthful in my thoughts to a fault.
For example, I said to her. "WW, you won't talk to me about anything until it concerns something that affects you like money and then you won't stop talking"
D4 was a trooper throughout the discussion, I was calm and collected, but WW kept yelling at me. D4 asked WW why she was yelling at daddy's do said "Mommy work it out with Daddy." WW said, D4, just tell daddy to sign the document and I'll stop yelling at him. I said, "WW, please stop putting other people in the middle, the tax prep was there, our friends have been there and now you have D4 there.
Here's where I need to STFU. I said "WW, please go get help. This isn't about me, you've pushed everyone in you life away" WW said "you're right it's about me and how you have always disrespected me and try to screw me." I said, " than why did I ask you to go talk to your lawyer before you decided what to do, to screw you?" No response.
Anyway, I think I'm detached; I'm pretty much over the sitch. I still wish she could find her way, but I think I'm pretty much done with her from a R standpoint if she doesn't get help.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Wow, your WW is quite a handful. I'm glad to hear you were calm and collected because that's the best way to react to yelling. Leave her with the echo of her own voice. I also think these conversations should be kept as short as possible. Remember that she wants you to argue with her. You're playing her game the more you react. Another way to make an effect is to leave a 2-3 second silence before you respond calmly. I know, I know, it's not easy in the heat of the moment. You sound like you did fairly well.
If you look at my thread, you'll see that I'm at a similar point in my sitch. I rarely talk about it here, but I feel like it would be better not to R with WW. Then again, while I can't stop these thoughts, I can continue to ensure that my actions keep all my options open as I don't know if and when the R question will be brought up to me and under what circumstances. In the meantime, we keep swimming.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Hi MCS, Yours is a familiar name (see you around on other peoples' threads) but not a familiar story. I should catch up. For now I just wanted to say a shout out. Your line above "WW, please go get help. This isn't about me, you've pushed everyone in you life away" resonated with me. I feel similarly about my H.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Yeah, I think a good piece of how I've changed about my view of the sitch and WW is from reading your thread. I've used some of the things you've done to help me address the next step in my sitch. Especially in terms of realizing that I don't want to be with this person if this is who she is.
Gan,
Thanks for checking in. I'll spare you a ton of reading. Here's cliff notes p. (Things with the A are based on believing WW)
MCS and just about everyone else saw our M as just fine, no fighting, no arguments, no issues. At some point WW started to have issues that she didn't share (PPD? Or maybe just 'unsettled', IDK) than about 2years ago started online chat stuff, then start EA with co-worker which became a (slight?) PA. No one knew any of this, but the A took hold. Something happened to push WW to take the A to the next level, guessing she was choosing OM over the M. Prior to BD, WW got hotel room and supposedly OM didn't show up and wanted to call the A off. I think then WW was trying anything to get OM to commit and leave his GF. It seems he led her on, IDK. Well, WW drops BD and then decides to leave right away, leaving kids with MCS. Since A is still secret, she won't talk to anyone about anything that happened. Won't communicate directly with me. She continues to try and get OM to leave his GF, she buys a house 2 months after BD far away from kids school, but right around corner from him. Cheese less tunnel, there was still something going on, but at this point I think A is over or WW knows it's not going to work out, money has run out for WW, she's pushed all her friends away, etc. so now she's just angry at MCS, the world or both.
Meanwhile, MCS struggles with not trying to 'help' WW. MCS is a flopping fish, sporadically enforcing boundaries, but also trying to R, and also trying to fix it for the kids sake. However, I'm getting to the point that I realize that these are WW's choices and as much as she tries, I'm not the person to 'fix' the bad choices she's making.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Thanks for the cliff notes! Sounds like you've been put through a lot. I'm likely to be off the grid for the next week so will pick you up when I get back.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Yeah, biggest thing is that I had no clue anything was wrong in our marriage. I was literally going crazy the first month or so because I could see absolutely nothing that was wrong in our M. Then when I found out about OM, it all made sense, but then I figured since it was over (or so she said) we would R.
Well, the other thing is W is totally not herself at all. Like everyone else says, it's like I don't know her, she's so angry, but will act reserved and feeble when we were in MC but fire away at me other times.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
So, last night I found out something that really bothered me. I heard through the grapevine that some troubling things WW always said happened in her teenage years; people that knew her at the time felt she embellished in order to get people to feel bad for her. She had told me about these things when we were first dating and I've always believed her, so now 15years later hearing that they were blown out of proportion bothers me.
The thing that's affecting me now is that it seems like WW is doing the same thing with our sitch. Taking things to such an extreme just so people feel sorry for her. WW was always one to make things a bigger deal as well as tried to get folks to 'feel bad for her' but it was never really seemed unhealthy. Someone on here talked about HPD, and it seemed similar. However, now I'm questioning whether WW has been dealing with these things all these years and I didn't see it at all. IDK, I need to stay focused on MCS. It's not a big deal, but it may explain some of the things she says and how she's acting around MCS.
**HPD- Histrionic Personality disorder. One symptom "Individuals with HPD often fail to see their own personal situation realistically, instead dramatizing and exaggerating their difficulties"
Last edited by MCS; 04/12/1505:16 AM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
