Cherry, I'm so sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. As Zeus says, this is one of the most painful things that can happen, so give yourself some time to process and seek whatever support you need.
I think there are some positives here though (I can see it may be hard to see that right now.) Your H sat down and told you what has happened with OW. That must have taken some courage, and it was respectful to you to tell you all of this face to face. My H didn't manage to do that. I learned about what had happened by phone, text and email. It still hurts me that this was the case...
Plus, he has moved from a position of deception to honesty. Or at least 'more' honest anyway. Also, he has 'ended' things with OW. Bear in mind that it is unusual for WAS's to be completely honest at this stage. But you have moved from a position of total deception towards partial honesty. By that I mean, sleeping with her 'a few' times, may well equal 'many' times...and so on. Did he say anything about his current 'feelings' towards OW? And is her H aware now?
He isn't saying he wants to recommit at this point. As others say, he seems to be almost saying that it is up to you, and that he understands why you may not want to do that. Does he seem remorseful for what has happened? What was his demeanour like? Was he saying it was a mistake?
I think much depends on how things unfold going forwards. From your perspective, I think it is important not to rescue him, and say 'there, there - we can get beyond this H' and so on. Equally, I don't think you should humiliate him - just tell him honestly about how upset you are feeling and that you need some time to process everything.
Have a careful read of that chapter on infidelity in DR, because there is some useful content in there on what may be needed from here on. I wouldn't make an immediate decision about recommitting to the M. But maybe start having a think about what you would need if he does want to recommit. Normally, that would include being absolutely ready to end all contact with OW, no contact letter, full transparency and possibly MC if that's what you want.
But I don't think he's at that point yet, Cherry. This is all so fresh. As Heart says, you haven't got to the point where he has says he will do whatever it takes - and I think you do need to get to that point first.
Take Care Cherry....(((((((Cherry))))))) - start a new thread too - I think yours is about to lock.
