Put one foot in front of the other...

[Elly4]

And now for the first time in two months he wanted to talk R. He was just sitting there on the other couch, brooding. I've learned since this all started that when he does this he wants to talk, but doesn't want to start it. So I asked, "do you want to talk?" He laughed and said yes but he doesn't have anything new to say. He's still unhappy and he still wants to leave. But he doesn't want to hurt me or our S. He also said that he didn't know what after would look like.

I asked him what would you want it to look like? He said he didn't know. He just knows that when he dies he doesn't want to look back on his life and see him only giving.

I said I could understand that. He asked me what I think of us. I said that I didn't want a divorce, but I understand that he's trying to find what makes him happy. He told me that he thinks I'm handling this amazingly. I got a little teary eyed but did not break down. I apologized for the tears and he said that I didn't need to because he's hurting me and its natural I would cry.

We talked some more and then he said we should go to bed and we did...in separate rooms.

I hate this.