H told the kids that he would spend some time with them this weekend. Now it's 4pm on saturday and the boys did text him to se if he would like to go to a movie with them.
H did not answer any of the boys. Did not contact anyone at all. So it is not about me anymore. He is hurting my kids, they are teenagers, that's when you need more support from your parents and he is not there for them in any way or form.
I am prepare to ask H to leave if he start this cheap game of crying and talking about our R. I will be polite and ask him to leave and tell him that we do not need this anymore, that we deserve respect.
It hurts, I know well how much. But it hurts more if I let him to continue this vicious cycle. H is in disregard of our feelings, our lives, and maybe he is sick or maybe it's his flaw character, I don't know which it is, I just know he has no right to use us this way anymore.
Yesterday, I was feeling very good without him here. Somehow things are changing inside me and I am losing the one of the main admiration I had for him... that he was a good father.
My kids and I are surviving and we are bonding together, like the kids say, we are a pack of wolves. Every decision, every meal, every outings we decide on a vote, we discuss what we want as a group. WE ARE A FAMILY!
I wish H could engage in this kind of life with us, but he made his choice and does not want us around anymore. So, it's time to let him go. He needs his freedom and his own life, that is the only thing that matters for him.
I am hopeless thinking that our M is done. I feel it's not only the old M, he is done with us all. In a way, it is feeling better, I know I need to rebuild my life, look for my own road now, together with my kids. I am growing independent again, the way I was when I met him. I know I am a strong, determined person and I like to live.
I know I will be OK without him. I always said that love is forever but does not need to be with only one person. This love is ending, maybe another one will come some time in the future.
I don't know anymore if I can love him the same way. I am losing all respect, tenderness for him. I feel disgusted.
By other hand I feel proud of myself, I am getting back to my roots and I am still the person I always loved. I have been told lately by many people that I look good, that I am another person, that I look very happy.
Maybe, that is what I need, to be far away from this man and have a life I deserve.
But, be sure and reassured that tomorrow, H will get my cold shoulder and if he start the bull, I will ask him to leave for good. No more dependency, I am a big girl, I do not need him.
Hope you are getting yourself some peaceful time honey. I love you with all my heart and I am praying for the best in your life.
