Yes I agree with Pilot. As I said, I thank the strict NC for getting me whereI am now. A year ago I couldn't imagine my life without her. now it's all I know and you know what? It's not miserable. now as far as hoping for reconciliation of course I still think about it. however the no contacthas empowered me. what I mean is I control communications not WAW. what happens is your thought process tends to shift from "I want my ex back so bad" to "I want my ex to want me back otherwise no deal." in other words instead ofme wasting time hoping for reconciliation I simply go on with my life and hope that the day comes where she initiates. if she doesn't then things stay status quo which as I said isn't torturous as time goes on.
Because you feel empowered you also feel like you'll take whatever life brings. it's like a form of pride in a way, you say to yourself that you don't want someone back unless they want to be back. If they don't it's their loss. so in answer to your question, yes you still think about reconciliation and maybe even hope for it but you don't let it control your life. you'll get to a point where you tell yourself it's either going to happen or its not.
18 years with my ex and I feel this way now less than a year later so that will happen for everyone eventually. it's hard to believe that the first few months, very very hard to believe it in fact, but trust me it happens. focus on yourself and make yourself the man only a fool wouldn't want. you'll feel good about yourself and that really means everything right there. basically it's an attitude of if you want me you're going to have to work and come get me, breadcrumbs ain't going to cut it, and that's exactly what this text from my ex was a mere breadcrumb...and by not taking the bait has made me even stronger than I was before that text came in. I hope this helps you and others who are feeling that horrid pain...people who are just starting to go through this. Those first few mobths arw BRUTAL! But stick to NC! trust me it gets easier just go reread some of my old post from a year ago to see where I was at. my emotions probably mirror many of yours.
sorry about the lack of caps, I am using voice to text to write this.
Last edited by ItHurts; 04/11/1509:06 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Nothing huge but a little tidbit of info...WAW and I had a very large number of friends on FB resulting from some films and stuff WAW and I used to work on. Well when the Hiroshima came crashing down 11 days short of a year ago, as you would expect...our friends kind went Team WAW or Team Me. Well one woman in particar became close with us. WAW knew she kind if liked me but thought it was "cute" because she's married, I was married, and we just remained friends...but she was all Team Me. She thought WAW was nuts for leaving me. So we are very close friends and WAW knows this.
Anyway, I tell you this story because WAW apprently made plans to talk to this girl on the phone Easter night. Now as I said they were friends too...but you may remember in one of my first posts last year in this saga, I mentioned how WAW deleted people on FB...only those who knew she had an EA and who she had it with (OM was also popular online in our "group") She basically deleted anyone she suspected were Team Me.
Well two hours after WAW sent the Easter text she called this girl and talked to her for three hours. So just a little tidbit there for you...suggests to me my text from WAW may have been premeditated...the girl said maybe she was trying to find out if you would tell me about her text to you.
WAW games...so glad I never replied to her...I'd be so upset now if I had.
Last edited by ItHurts; 04/16/1504:43 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Epic. Thanks for sharing. Yeah, it's sad to assume everything they do and say is strategic in some way, but until proven otherwise it's probably a good starting place. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Keep trucking IH!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Thanks Zues! Yeah anything short of WAW saying "I made a terrible mistake and I will do whatever it takes for us to try again and make it work" isn't flying with me. It's either something like that sent a couple times by her or NC will continue and I will continue on without her.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Just stopping by because today it has been one year since the bomb drop. Time really does fly by. Unbelievable it's been a year already.
Last edited by ItHurts; 04/27/1503:57 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Congratulations. It sounds like you have come so far and taken such good care of yourself. I'm very new to the board and I haven't read through your entire sitch, but what you write here resonates so deeply. I like what Pilot wrote here as well; about being able to let go of the need to R. Especially so if WAW is just sh*t testing you.
Thanks Diesel. Yeah hard to believe it's been a year since the bomb was dropped on me. It hasn't been easy but all I can tell people who are just going through this is trust me...the pain and hopelessness DOES go away...even though that seems impossible for you at the moment. Like everything else in life...you just somehow get used to it and one day you realize you are proud of yourself for not begging WAW. Let her go and let her have what she wants... you just act like you agree and act happy yourself... even if you're dying inside...act happy and not too bothered by it all. What happens is you fake it til you make it...and that's just how it happened with me. You become the one in power...not WAW, because they hate the thought of you NOT being all heartbroken and upset over them. I won't lie, even after a year you will probably still think about R; the difference is you want it to come to you or nothing at all...you let WAW own that and you just go on with your own life. If she wants you...she can come get you and that's it. She walked away on her own just fine...well she can walk back too if she wants to. If she doesn't... oh well her loss.
Last edited by ItHurts; 04/28/1506:40 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
...Like everything else in life...you just somehow get used to it and one day you realize you are proud of yourself for not begging WAW. Let her go and let her have what she wants... you just act like you agree and act happy yourself... even if you're dying inside...act happy and not too bothered by it all. What happens is you fake it til you make it...and that's just how it happened with me. You become the one in power...not WAW, because they hate the thought of you NOT being all heartbroken and upset over them.
Thank you ItHurts. I read this quote somewhere on this board, but can't remember where now (it's somewhat paraphrased):
"Become the person only a fool would not want to have in their life."
You're welcome Diesel. I am happy my words help you out. In much the way that you eventually get over the death of a loved one...even when it seems totally and completely impossible when it's new...it DOES inevitably happen. You eventually simply get used to life without WAW. You become cognizant of the fact that you don't need WAW to be happy. That then makes you confident...and that confidence makes you very attractive to women...including WAW. I have a feeling that WAW will one day try to come back...THIS time however, I will call the shots in that department. She's got a lot of work to do if she ever does. Keep strong... it gets better...and I am saying this after 18 years with WAW...nearly mathematically half of my life...and it got better for me. Be strong and be the man only a foolish woman wouldn't want.
Last edited by ItHurts; 05/07/1505:22 AM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Just an update here guys. I did hear from WAW again. She started her message out stating that she thinks of me often and wishes for my health and happiness but that her message was not about that. It was about business...specifically money. As those of you who have been following my story the past year here know...WAW pretty much supported us when I was out of work for about 4 years. Well now that I am starting to do well financially, specifically regarding a project I have been working on for a few years that is going to generate some decent income for me...she wanted to make sure that I was going to keep my word and help her out. I did tell her I would help her back when we were still talking regularly as I feel that was the right thing to do since she supported us for so long. So I basically replied reassuring her that I will keep my word and that I don't say things I don't mean. After that there was just some light, friendly banter but NOTHING at all about or past relationship was discussed. It was only about two or three replies to each other but all was friendly and light. So I am still not going to initiate any further contact with her though...I am still going to make her come to me. So it was nothing earth shattering or related to our past relationship but in the interest of keeping my threads up to date here I thought I'd let you all know. Aside from this contact initiated by her...I hadn't heard from her since I ignored her Easter text. Hope everyone is well!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
