Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

Another busy day with the kids. I enjoy focusing on them. We are doing things we would never have done in the past just due to my lack of effort. Not that I'm lazy with my kids - far, far from it - more that in the past I would just hang around at home keeping the kids occupied with something and wait until W was around to all go out and do something together. Part of this was almost certainly my issue of low confidence in going out to places alone.

Now I'm out early morning in the park with them, taking them to places new and old, letting them explore their surroundings more when they're out, and giving them a little more freedom. I can just simply feel how much they love spending time with me. We tried to bring our children up to not be spoilt. They'd never had endless toys, computer games, gadgets and gizmos, didn't have a constant stream of sweets etc, and they never asked for anything. I prided myself on doing a good job in that regard. The sitch had changed that slightly recently but I feel them returning to how they've always been.

Our great day out today cost ABSOLUTELY NOTHING except petrol in the car. The kids had a great time with pre homemade snacks for our trip. We fed ducks, walked around a dam, had running races, walked through winding paths, went to the park, played football, played mini bowling at home, watched some science stuff.

Not much to report really sitch wise. In our conversation earlier on today W said to call her in the afternoon to let her know how the kids got on with their bets on the grand national. I thought about it and decided I wasn't going to call her. I thought I'd seem too keen, even if I did just basically pass the phone over to the kids. She hasn't called anyway so I guess that was the right decision and I'm happy I never called. The children are in bed now. W on a night out tonight. I'm having thoughts of her meeting someone else. The good thing about that is I'm learning to roll with it. There's nothing I can do. I don't control her. If she meets someone else then that's her choice. I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't be bothered by it. It would hurt like hell. But what can I do?

Answer: Nothing.

Alternative answer: Be the best I can be FOR MYSELF and then maybe somewhere down the line she might see that and have a change of heart.

I read somewhere recently about pulling back/limiting availability and contact, but when there is contact to maximise it. I think that sums up my approach right now: LRT with emphasis on (in a casual manner) creating a positive connection each time we do interact.