Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

Thanks toots for the advice. I think I will go out somewhere myself during the day time of my birthday and maybe arrange a family meal for the evening time. There's still a few weeks to fine tune plans. I won't involve W in them. If she pipes up about doing something then I'll consider that if/when it happens.

A quick exchange of the children today - literally a minute or so at the door. Pleasant enough just not much said. Kids are excited about the grand national. They asked me to phone W to see what horse she had picked.

I let the kids speak to W on phone, spoke for a moment, then said bye.

A few minutes later W called back with the names of some other horses she has picked. A 5 minute pleasant conversation then ensued...mainly about betting. We made a connection over W liking to have a once a year flutter on the horse race.

W: you know me, it's pointless betting 'each way' when it's only once a year (Validated by me).

I mention this because it's the first sort of positive thing she has mentioned about our past together since BD. It does feel good to know we do have a long shared history and maybe she is realising slowly it wasn't all bad (I used to actually place our grand national bets but W used to get really involved, revved up and excited over it).

I've spent most of the morning with two excited kids explaining the ins and outs of horse racing. Weather has brightened up somewhat so going to take the kids to a local dam and have a nice walk around in the sun, making sure we're back in time for the gee gees!

I woke up this morning and later on realised that my first thoughts weren't about W or checking this board, but instead I was more serene. Maybe this was in part due to spending some of last night browsing a dating site. I haven't intended to date but just browsing and realising there's lots of other people about locally was interesting.

A problem I have is overanalysing every interaction with W. Seeing signs of improvement just makes me want jump right in and ask for everything I want. My patience is stopping me from doing that but oh man is it hard. I guess that's what self discipline is all about.