Hey M. Back when I first started here, and it was way before my registration date, things were different on this forum. There werent moderators. People didnt hold back. There was a great deal of 2 x 4s and pushing of people.

There were days when I got off my laptop because I couldnt see through the tears rolling down my face. I was challenged. I was pushed and pulled and loved.

When someone told me something I needed to look at, it was sometimes so hard. I would get upset. I would vow not to come back...and then, I would think.

I knew that I had to strip down to my core. That was the only way I was going to come out the other side. And I was so grateful there were people on here that were going to make sure I did that. No excuses were allowed back then.

So, I had to unlearn all that I knew. I had to face stuff I didnt want to face.

I felt as if everything that I held true was a lie. I felt that the order of the world that I had come to count on, wasnt real.

There were days when I would walk around my house in total confusion. What had happened? What had I missed? How was this possible?

So, when I stripped it all down, I realized that I had no control over anyone. That was the turth of it. I came to understand that I could have been perfect and this still would have happened.

I figured out that I had contributed to the breakdown of my marriage, but, I did not have the power to own all of this.

But one of the most important things I learned was that I was enough. I was worthy. I was lovable. And it didnt matter that my xh didnt see that...it only mattered that I did.

It is ok to be sad, M. It's a sad thing, the ending of a marriage. It's ok not to understand and to have trouble with the finality of it. It's ok as long as you dont stay stuck in any one spot.

These awakenings are so important. Digging deep...can be hard, but, man can it bring amazing things.

Good on you for doing that paperwork. Who cares if he notices your name change, M?

Keep looking within. Keep moving forward. Keep remembering that different doesnt have to mean bad.

You are doing wonderfully.