Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[MrBond]

"sort of my concern really. it will be a new R, not the old one. So i should expect those negative things to be addressed. but still this person can cheat. i know that. whatever the circumstances might be that lead to it."

That's what you don't seem to get. YOU contributed to creating this new person. For you to be so judgmental of her and say that she's a "cheater" now is VERY flawed. She has grown and learned what she wants from a man. You either step up and become that man or you stay the same and she stays gone.

Or to flip things around, if you looked down at her all this time and just looked at her to feed your ego, what incentive does SHE HAVE to stay in the M?

"also, there is of course history and a very attractive element is the kids in the middle. but otherwise, she has treated me like s**t since BD, secretly for months before that, why would I pursue a new R with this person who I dont even want to give her the time of day."

Because you created that. And the fact that you want to keep looking down on her shows you're not willing to change. In fact, the only reason why all of this is driving you nuts is because for once in your relationship with her, you can 't control her actions.

She's grown (in her eyes) into a strong and independent woman. You either respect that or you go and find another docile woman to go out with.