Zelda, I think you are demonising your H - calling him callous, a monster. There are very few monsters in this world - but there are many who are lost, angry, confused and make mistakes.
Why would you feel that your H did not love you? Why would he try and repair a R with someone he didn't love? I expect that he did (and possibly does) love you - but that he has lost his way.
I can see that you may not want him and the R as it is. I feel the same way about my H and our R. But whether it is over is really up to you.
Who knows if he is enjoying his new life. We only really know these things if we can talk intimately with someone. Now may not be the time to have that conversation. But perhaps there may come a time.
You are not small, nor worthless, merely someone who is struggling to process and move forward from a difficult thing that has happened. But what has happened does not invalidate what has happened in your R thus far. There were happy times and there were harder times. They both stand together as your entwined lives. One does not overshadow the other.
Those are my thoughts on what you have posted. Posting this, I realise I didn't respond to your kind query on my sitch. No, I wouldn't be relieved if H filed for D. That isn't what I want. I'm not sure what may be possible at this point, but if we can reconcile, I would hope to.
Take care Z, and if in doubt minimise contact with your H until you feel in a more settled place. ((((Zelda))))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
