Guys, help me out please. I thought I was ok with this. I feel like I'm having a meltdown.

a) fresh horror at how callous he was and is. I could not have been loved during piecing, the year before BD...ever? Maybe the first two years?

b) it's over. it really is. have I been in denial? I don't want him or this r as it is, so what is my problem? That he's out playing poker and enjoying his new life?

c) I feel so small and worthless. I know this is not a healthy or rational response.

d) I can't make sense of anything that was. It's a huge chunk of my life that feels completely un-valid. Also not a healthy perspective but it feels like the real one.

Help me think healthy thoughts over here.

Mid 30's
Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH
D 9/15; NC forever on

You can't DR your way out of abuse.