Is there a bottom?

[bravo61]

Ahoy, Jim, Rpp, and Ral,

Thank you so much in checking in & encouragement. Words can't express how much that means to me.

This is the toughest thing/time I've ever been through. I wouldn't stuff like this really happened but here I am. It's tough because as I become a better person everyday, my life falls more and more apart. Case in point, as my supervisors were talking to me and escorting me out to my car-I could see how unhappy they were & I felt bad for them too.

Last night I went to my S first baseball game. He did great and I was proud of him just because he did his best. I smiled & joked & laughed. I even teased a little w/the XW.

so at the game D had a flower that she was trying to put in my pocket and the petals kept coming off. i said that i don't want the petals to come off and kinda looked at XW and ruefully smiled.whenever the other said something harsh we would say "petals". petals signified feelings that are damaged and don't grow back. i said that i've damaged enough petals in my lifetime and i'm never doing it again. she looked at me and said that petals do grow back with time. i said yeah and i'm getting pretty good at it. she said see, and you never thought you'd be able to . just thought that was interesting. she may have been referencing her healing a little bit or that someone else is healing her petals. Just weird exchange.

she also asked if i wanted to come see the house tomorrow night and that the kids would love that. when they left she rolled down the window and said i did great tonight. i didn't bring up my problems or lay them at her feet, i tried to be chipper and upbeat. i'm sure that shocked her.

Goal for the day: move without pain (back has flared up-yea);
Complete 2 police applications (ridiculously involved & time consuming); apply for unemployment (not sure how that works or if it'll cover my bills); find a way to brighten someone else's day.

Sound good?