My wife and I were married for 17 years. I had 4 children, she had 4 children, and we adopted her niece (18) at 4 years of age. We had a busy household and lots of drama, but a wonderful and fulfilling life (or so I thought) until recently. We truly never fought about much and only had minor disagreements. We were the stable couple in our circle of friends, and I was proud to be together.
Over the past few years, there was even more stress than usual with teenagers, legal issues with her children, and poor health of her parents. I started to feel unappreciated and "second best", and started pulling away emotionally. We had some arguments, but nothing of any magnitude. In October 2014, she became much more distant and aloof. Still sleeping and cuddling together, but no intimacy, which she attributed to perimenopausal symptoms and endometriosis/fibroids. I got the ILYBINILWY talk on 12/15/15. She sent me to see my kids over Christmas break, and I discovered proof of her PA on New Years Eve. I sent email to her and OM, and came home the next day. I told her that I was willing to work on things and I thought we were on same page.
The following week, she drove herself to work as usual, and underwent a hysterectomy. She did not tell me or her family, and had OM present during the surgery. Come to find out that they had planned this in early December. I was livid, but still took off the next day to help with her recuperation. She repaid my compassion by going to the courthouse and filing divorce papers on Jan 6, 2015. She then went up to OM house for the weekend. I moved out that weekend. She has been staying at our house during the week since then, and going to OM house on the weekends.
She hired a process server for divorce papers, and I was finally served on March 18, 2015. She moved to her own physical address on March 2, 2015, and I have since moved back into our old house. Her 17 year old son lives with her. Her niece has chosen to live with me. Her other sons have moved out and are not happy with her decisions or actions. I still have family dinners for her children every week. In contrast, she has not had any contact with my 4 children (and 8 grandchildren) since BD.
Her actions seem to show a steely resolve for divorce as quick as possible. She is still in relationship with OM, and wants to continue/advance that relationship. OM is quite well off financially, is a widower, and has 3 small children. Wife has latched onto kids and completely ignored her own family.
I tried to negotiate divorce terms with her, but she did not want to. I hired a lawyer and submitted my response this week. She wanted me to take all of the debt and to keep our own retirements. I simply want 50/50 on everything. We have no children between us, no property, and make about the same salary.
I'm still interested in staying together/reconciling, and have realized that I can only control my own actions. I am doing my best to detach, but admit to being emotionally tied to her nonetheless. NC in last week, but I think about contacting her daily. My head accepts and knows the reality of the situation, but my heart is lagging behind.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/10/1506:08 PM. Reason: link
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
