My question would be (and I've only read your last couple of posts), why did you hire a L?
Not the legal protection reasons, we all get that. Why did you, person known as Kramer, at that moment in time, decide that today is the day I hire a L?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Makes sense, thanks. I will do what I have to on my end to keep channels open. I will work on me and hope for the best, but not have any expectations.
Thanks. I will start new thread as well.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
My question would be (and I've only read your last couple of posts) why did you hire a L?
Not the legal protection reasons we all get that. Why did you at that moment in time, decide that today is the day I hire a L?
She had served me with divorce papers and I only had 30 days to respond. Although I am doing my best on acceptance and detachment, I am not there yet. As such, I was worried that I would accept unfair terms as a way to appease her or get back in her good graces. Hiring a lawyer takes me out of the equation.
Why do you ask?
Last edited by Kramer; 04/10/1503:51 PM.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
"So our task is to not enable them to destroy our portion of the relationship. For us not to follow them down cheeseless tunnels. For us to control our 50%, and not let them destroy us!"
Thanks Cadet - that's helped me today. It's a useful aide memoir for us to think about what we are doing, why, and also what we shouldn't be doing!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm getting more to what were your feelings when you decided, I have to hire (not consult) an attorney?
What if you had said to the attorney, this is where we are, I don't want to move fast on this, what are my options. I don't know what your options are in your state and perhaps you did have the conversation.
She wanted to negotiate, you seemed to be open to negotiating, she didn't get back to you on your timeline so you fired a shot across the bow.
Just curious. DBing is about slowing down, and taking stock of why we do what we do. Taking control of ourselves.
Was is your higher or lower brain that hired the L?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
First, she absolutely DID NOT want to negotiate. She wanted me to take on all of the debt and keep our own retirements. Her retirement is worth 7-10x what mine is, and we have about 75k in debt. That is certainly not an equitable split.
When BD first happened, I was quite emotional and told her I would do anything to stay together. Her proposal came from this statement, and at first I was a martyr and said OK. However, the more I pondered, the more I realized that me falling on my sword would not bring us back together, and in fact would be detrimental for the rest of my life. She knew that I was emotional, and have always been non-confrontational, and wanted to use that against me.
I did not want to get lawyers involved. My wife filed papers and had me served. I had to formulate a response. I sent wife email asking her to sit down and mediate things, but she never responded. She was hoping (my thoughts) that I would miss response deadline and her proposals would be final by default.
My initial consultation with lawyer ended with his advice to do this ourselves, since it is so straightforward. Her non-response to that proposal is what led to my action.
As far as slowing down, that's what I am trying to do. I do not want this divorce, and have told my lawyer to take his time with the process, while not impeding things or causing any legal issues.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
This is like a chess game right? So much goes into the strategy of the moves. I don't like the face that she played on your emotional side and yes, falling on your sword was not a good move, what purpose would that have served other than hers?
I am so glad you have a third party lawyer on your side. It's just too emotional and to much at stake to DIY.
