Tooting Marvellous!

[Sotto]

Well, I think I'm about to lock and so it is time for a new thread. Here's a link to the last one.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2548778&page=1

Quick recap:

BD1 - Mar 2014, EA discovered

BD2 - July 2014, H admits PA. I move to parents 2 hrs away

Jul-Sep 2014 - lots of talking with H, A continues, he's 'confused.'

Oct-Feb 2014 - Virtually NC. I rent a flat, build up my own life, no idea of A status.

Feb 2015 - H made redundant. Wants to sell our house. Says our R is over, then backtracks. OW back in the country, but H is 'dating' others ATM.

Mar 2015 - Agree to sell house, formalise S and divide assets. H then says he wants us to D. I tell him I love him and D isn't what I want. He's thinking about things.

Well, I just realised that nothing at all has changed since my last recap....

So, I received a text from H today:

*He is sorry he hasn't been in touch
*He has gone to the US to see his sisters
*He thought it best to talk with them before making big decisions
*He has been spending time with his nieces doing crafts
*Did I know my father has another email virus?

I'm not sure whether to even bother replying TBH. Any thoughts?

I have always got along well with his sisters. One of them was very upset and dead against the A relationship. The other said that if he was feeling so unhappy with his life, perhaps a change would be the right thing. Both have said to me that they love having me as a sister in law - but haven't been in touch with me since pretty much after BD.

It's a bit insensitive of him to mention my nieces I think. He knows I always loved doing crafts with them. And now he's there doing that, whilst I'm not...

I won't do anything just now, and will see what you guys think.

[alpha99]

Hi Toots,

You know the drill by now - NO EXPECTATIONS!!!

Having said that, everyone has their own perspective on things don't they? Total mind reading I know but isn't it possible H decided to text you after speaking to relatives? If so it would at least indicate that he has indeed been thinking/talking things over. Maybe the mention of the crafts activity was a way of connecting with you over an activity that you're known to like? I wouldn't necessarily see it as something insensitive. I suppose it depends on the exact nature of the text.

Of course the endless waiting would send anyone around the bend but your posts indicate that you have handled this with aplomb! I think at this point you know what to do, as per your last post. Take time to think out what you want to do. Should you choose to reply act 'as if' you're not waiting around for his decision. Keep up the good work!

[Starsky309]

I don't think you should even reply, or if you do, just a simple "Send everyone my love!", upbeat sort of thing.


Starsky

[Sotto]

Thanks Guys - I just sent a brief reply as Starsky suggested. Alpha, you may be right - who knows? For sure, he seems pretty confused still. I must be winning records for the greatest number of holding emails/texts on the forum!

Thanks for posting - it's much appreciated! x

[rd500]

Hi. Toots. Firstly he emailed ! Positive. Secondly. He is talking through his options with family who care about you ! Positive. Thirdly. He is still thinking and hasn't ruled out R. !!! Positive. Fourthly. He hasn't decided to call it a day. !!! Positive.

Your H sounds like he is still in the fog and at least he is trying to see a way out even if he hasn't found one yet.

Toots needs to carry on , carrying on and see where it takes her

Toots , the future is bright and a lot of positives Really pleased for you and we are heading up on the roller coaster, Enjoy

Positive thoughts. But not expecting anything. Take care Rd. xxx. ( 3 kisses Positive)

[alpha99]

Excellent post RD. That summarised everything really well I think.

[Sotto]

Thanks RD. It's helpful to have your perspective. I had just thought - great, another holding response....

But you are right. He's unsure & with his family is a good place for him to be. I've always been very fond of them & they of me I think.

I figure I've started on this course - of I don't want to D, but won't stand in your way - and I just need to carry on & see it through now.

And thanks Alpha for the endorsement. I'm very grateful.

T x

[Vanilla]

Toots

Chill..........

Let H work his stuff, if you push then you will get a reactive "no way"

It is one of RDs stars I think he contact you.

Chill pill!

V

[gan]

All this while I've been sleeping! I agree with what everyone has said so far. Playing crafts with niece - I also took that as an effort to connect or at least acknowledge that he knows something of your interests (not in a digging way). It's good to get some sign that he is still in the fog I think. Sure if would be better if he came out with a clear Yes let's R! But failing this I think confused is good, especially knowing Toots is Toots and living her life rather than waiting around.

[jim0987]

Hi Toots great title for a thread. Is it meant with ironic tone?

I think that your thread already has that little exchange covered of nicely so not much I can add really. I definitely think you did the right thing with a 'say hi for me' message