What would he say are the reasons why he can't be with you? Did you try to make any changes after the first reconciliation? Did they last, and did he acknowledge them? What about now? What are his "deal breakers"?
He has said I am too controlling and I am "verbally abusive". He says I don't respect him and that we aren't "spiritually matched". I would say that I am sometimes controlling, especially in regard to the budget. I disagree with verbal abuse. On some occasions during a fight I have gotten very angry and yelled, but I don't feel I am verbally abusive. I do admit to not showing respect to him sometimes. I'm not sure what he means by spiritually matched as we are both members of our church and are active in our bible study group.
The first time lasted only about a month and we never moved into different bedrooms or anything. During that time, I stated seeing our MC alone to work on some issues. I read lots of books on anger and how to diffuse it (I had a lot of anger towards him in regard to his cheating). We discussed the budget and how we could move stuff around so he felt like we had more "fun" money. I really tried to respect his opinion on things. For example, when we were laying our wood floors (he had never done it before) I tried to let him figure it out without calling my dad for help. Most of them lasted except for the anger. We were good for like 6 months, bought and moved into a new house, everything seemed good. But the more he started pushing me down the priority list, the more angry I got. I stuffed it all in until I couldn't anymore and would explode.
I don't really think he acknowledged any changes. I always felt like no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. Now, the things he can't go back to are still the things from before, even though most of them have changed. He keeps bringing up things from the first time even though they haven't happened since.
I have been trying to do a lot of work on myself. I have met with the C 2x a month since October, I have been journaling. I did a 12 week study called "What is it like to be married to me" which takes an in-depth look at yourself as a wife. I've been reading different books on marriage. My C said she can see some positive growth, even though I don't feel like it sometimes.
Me:36 H: 29 T: 4 years M: 2 years No kids In-house sep 10/4/14 H moved out 1/2/15 Talk of D 4/9/15
"She's standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take" John Mayer
