W slept on the couch last night. She does need her space.
She got a response from OM this morning. She showed me right away. I appreciated her eagerness to abide by transparency, and funny how he does not get the whole NC thing. It was interesting to say the least, here is a part:
"Well, so, I guess you've been lying to me too. I'm not that special, so why not. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they are. But, my part is I trusted you. I shouldn't have. Like always, I should've just kept everything to myself. Hell, maybe you just found someone else. Either way, whatever. Good luck with your "marriage"."
I honestly started laughing at this on the inside, stayed straight and serious outward though. This guy has had a lot of issues in the past, but they seem like things that he uses to his advantage to be an emotional manipulator. I asked W, "Do you see what he is trying to do here?" She just responded, "I knew he would react like this."
NC - no common meetings at all, no excuses. I have all passwords too all of her social media accounts/emails. His number is still pseudo-blocked (sent to an email and deleted without notification), but I still check texts. We setup her FB notifications to email her when messages are received - filtered to a specific hidden folder and marked as read (We agreed to sending the notifications to my email, but I decided to do this instead).
We went to our MC appointment this morning, and I was half expecting W would decide not to come, but she did to my surprise. We caught the MC up on what has happened in the past couple of months. I honestly did have some memory lapses as I have been thought-stopping and trying to forget some things. I am sure some of it will come back. Talked about a few things from the past that kind of drove us apart, of which W was hoping for out of me, "Expressing from the heart." I acknowledged and agreed. I was never the best at this, but it was worse later on "cold and rigid" was how it was described. I acknowledged that most of the time in the past a lot where I went wrong was how I approached difficult situations and did/said the wrong things without even considering changing/doing 180s. During the appointment, I did mention my belief about how getting one's self better is a priority and how I feel a lot better for and about myself now than I have for a long time. That I have been going out with friends, socializing, and doing things for myself to get me there. MC asked me, "Are you involved with someone else?" This was a confusing question, but I can see where she is coming from. I just responded "Nope."
In closing, the MC said/asked, "Now this may take a long time, but it might not, are you both committed?" She got two yeses.
We have another MC appointment next week. I called the counselor back later so I could set up an appointment with her to talk some things over, maybe even do IC with her. I want to use that time to bring some things up regarding DB. Let her know what I have been using and would like to hear what she has to say about it. How I have not perfected it, but feel like it has helped me substantially. I did not want to mention DB in the joint appointment just yet, until I can see W coming through a bit more.
Finished DR a couple of days ago. Continue to refer back to it. Started on No More Mr. Nice Guy. Have Models (Mark Manson) on the way. I do also have Hold Me Tight to read.
