Life after D - 01 - going from dark to light

[gogofo]

Closer, I am not trying to be tough guy either. I am not avoiding my emotions, but I just haven't broke down this time. Maybe all of the crying before moved me through a lot of the grief and I don't need to.

Yesterday I had to work a little late at work so I was not able to make it to watch kids at their swim lesson. Later in the night the XW sent a text "Everything ok? You didn't make it to swim so I was checking. The goggles were a big hit."

I was slightly disgusted that she is showing concern for me. As a WW who is now my XW I feel she chose to not be a part of my life, except as a co-parent. I felt she never showed much concern when OM came back into the picture, so why now? Is it because I have been giving her nothing but slightly cordial responses? Who knows, but I feel it is weird she was worried about me now.

Last night I had a dream which may signal another small step to moving forward with detachment. When married and trying to save my marriage if I had a dream with a girl in it and it started to turn intimate or sexual I would refrain from even kissing or touching the girl. I would not even do anything close to cheating on my W, even in my dreams.

Well last night I had a dream where I was out playing the field and ended up kissing a girl. I know it probably sounds pathetic but I think it shows that subconsciously my mind is moving forward with being D'd. I woke up and it took me a little bit to realize that this was the first dream that I can remember where I didn't avoid contact with someone besides my W.