Zelda - almost there

[Zelda09]

Thanks, TLEE. I say smile - I don't mean to say I'll look radiantly happy or intend to play that way. Just as a term of acceptance I suppose.

V, I'm sure H's thoughts will be over-easy (on himself) and I think I am prepared.

I am glad I will get to look him in the eye and have a civil discussion about what those 8 weeks were, whatever he says. The way things went down, I never got any of that.

Does it matter much in the end? Not in terms of the sitch, but no matter what he says - I will have a dead end to what has been endless questioning and I may be able to seal that part of my brain up the next time it starts, and tell it, brain - you heard the man, his feeling and thoughts are valid, and this is what happened according to him. So there. You can't change it, influence it, fix it, and now you know. It shouldn't be necessary for me to have closure, but I think it will help a great deal.

In the end what really matters is that I know that is not how I can be treated. I'm not willing to be in a M where 'we should see other people' is threatened when I want to ask something of him; or that his suicidal thoughts are suddenly brought up when I wish to talk about my feelings; where all kinds of manipulation and intimidation and abuse are present. I know what I know.