I know I am not supposed to even ask .... but the thought does crop up every now and then "I wonder how she is doing and if this is what she wants". Months ago, I did ask if this is what she wanted and she said "No" yet her actions all scream yes this is what she wants, mainly me out of her life. So far nothing has changed except I have a lawyer working on my behalf. Strangely, she has not mentioned this once. Oh well.
I know what the vets will say - take the focus off her - who cares what she is doing or thinking. Don't look back, etc...
So thanks to Wonka - I had a better phone interaction. When she called I said "hello and sure hold in a second" and gave the phone to D6 saying Momma is on the phone ". I know it doesn't sound like much but it's better... again baby steps.
Hang in there HeavyD. It does get better. I am doing great without my W. I mean, don't get me wrong. I do miss her, I miss her company, I miss our plans for the future, etc. BUT that was the OLD her. That is what I keep telling myself, that the W that became a WW is NOT the woman I married, I do NOT miss that person.
Maybe one day she will have a moment of clarity, as alcoholics talk about, where it all of a sudden becomes real, but I am not going to wait and mope for that to possibly happen. Instead I am going to do things that will make me definitely happier. GAL is the key, the 180 is second and the rules are great too. The more you GAL, the less you think about your situation and her. The more you 180, the less connected you stay to her. The rules help break patterns that you would normally do.
Even right now, if my WW came back and said she wanted to work things through, I would probably say "nope, not interested" or "prove it". I might not be happy 100% of the time, but I am at least 80% of the time. And frankly, for the majority of my marriage, I was at a 70%. Remember the bad times along with the good ones and things become a lot easier to handle. Good luck man, stick to it.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
At this point, my action plan is to be cordial, polite but not to initiate conversation except about the kids correct?
I am to continue to GAL, keep a PMA and just move on with my life without her. I am trying to imagine that she died and this is how I would carry on.
I will let the L work out the details and not get involved in them, correct?
Just ensuring I am doing everything I can to keep playing by the DB rules. Of course I want results but realize I ma not get the results I want, but am taking the long view attitude. At this point, I do not like the person my WW is at all.
Yes, I am slowly remembering the bad times and good times in our marriage and try to keep a balanced view.
She called to speak to the kids last night and I heard her say I miss you so much when you are not with me. The thought went through my head, yes, perhaps you should have thought about that when you chose to leave our marriage and family. I did not say that out loud of course, but I certainly thought it.
This is sounds like a good plan but remember, this is a marathon. It would be great to find that one thing that would change the dynamic - change the whole situation, but it will take time if it is really going to happen (and to decide if you want it to happen with the person that she has become) Keep positive for yourself and the kids.
It is hard to keep the bitter comments to yourself - isn't it? (I fight them off all the time) - I may be getting worse at it. The comments will not help.
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
