I get the impression from your posts that you felt you did everything and she did nothing. Did you ever ask her to help? Often we expect our spouses to anticipate our needs/wants. They aren't mind readers. We need to communicate these things to them. It's also important to realize they might not do things our way, but that doesn't mean their way is wrong. It's just different.
It seems like you set her up for constant failure because she could never be perfect enough. What we emphasize grows. If you mainly point out her faults, eventually that's all you (and she while she's with you) will see.
hi Heart,
Her flaws in general - absolutely agree that focusing on them is not a good strategy, and you make a very good point that "If you mainly point out her faults, eventually that's all you (and she while she's with you) will see." This is very unattractive and is no doubt true of what happened. I didn't make her feel good about herself.
I probably didn't ask for help - productively. It was probably more like a criticism. things were great before we had kids and I did everything then. It didn't really bother me. Kids meant more work and we got our own house. I raised my standards even and so was flat-out. But I didn't "turn" until 6-12 months after the 1st born and felt neglected. Talking w friends - I really was neglected, I wasn't imagining it. I tried to encourage her towards the relationship but gave up and became "resentful". Setting her up for continued failure etc.
Dont get me wrong, I can see how I have always harboured elements of this resent in my life. Towards anyone, but generally not towards her. And then, because she was so close to me this was even more intense.
Things I like about her. She's the sweetest, warmest, kindest, most compassionate, generous and most genuine person I have ever known. Since the day I met her we have been more comfortable with each other than anyone. We talked about anything and everything. She's fun and funny and the person I would most want to be with ever. But all that feels wrong because she hasn't been that person in my life for a long time -P
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
