...and another WAS

[Zues126]

Pyrite- I love you man. Hope you know that we all want what's best in your life.

Man, no doubt this is a rough time. Tougher than I believed life can get. When things get this tough we do what we've always done...but just try harder. But, when things get truly horrible...at some point we look up to the sky and admit that we can't run our lives, that we don't have it all under control. That is when change is made possible. Whether from God, or just humility.

I think the reason everyone's pushing so hard is that we're not sensing you're there yet.

-You are arguing with Mr. Bond. No one has ever won an argument with Mr. Bond. It is like talking to a priest. You're not going to convert them to another religion, so either listen to what they have to say or not. But there is no debating. The fact that you continue to debate with him is a sign that you don't always know when to pick your battles.

-You are constantly trying to be right. Even if you're trying to admit your mistakes, you're trying to do so in a way to show that you're looking at it right "now" because, see, I'm focused on my mistakes.

-You talk as if your problems were in the past, and that you have them under control now. Or that you "correctly" don't have them under control but are confident that you are on the right track to fix them.

What I'm saying, brother, is why do you need to be right? What's wrong with being lost, confused, unsure, and broken? That is a healthy reaction to a loss like this, and it is a healthy state of mind to be in to allow this to transform you in a positive way.

Now you can respond by explaining how you're already doing all of this, how this is how you process those feelings, how you have done A/B/C to demonstrate you are on this track...or you can STFU and just sit with it and realize this is the impression you're getting from a lot of people. It seems like you need to be right a lot, and that won't get you far. As 25 says, if you're right you're SCREWED, because there is nothing you can change, and you'll always get what you've always got. Only through failure and a beginners mind can you start grow. Personally I would think that most of your growth is in your head, and what I mean by that is "rational understanding of marriage and relationship theory". I don't know that your heart and soul, the way you actually operate has really shifted. Nor would I EXPECT it to have given how recently BD was for you.

So I'm not saying you messed up, or that you're not trying. Maybe just don't try so hard, I think you're getting in your way. You are obviously exceptional in many ways, I am as well. I've made the mistake of thinking that meant I knew best. I don't. Ultimately I am a big screw up that can run a lot of balls and hit sales goals. In my circles I'm a big deal. In the big picture it doesn't matter. Like John Lennon said, "My mother is of the sky, my father is of the earth, I am of the universe, and you know what it's worth..."

Pyrite, maybe everything I said missed the mark completely. I am NOT MR. BOND. Far from it. I'm a complete disaster. But if so, just let it go and have a great life. You don't need to convince me you've got it under control. I'll never meet you, I wouldn't be able to pick you out in a police line up. Just shrug and laugh that there are weirdos like me that misunderstand you so badly.

Oh, I'll share my favorite quote about the link between failure, humility, and enlightenment. This was big to me because it was always so important that I did things RIGHT that when I fell short I felt so broken. Enjoy:

"When you expect it least, the ego, declared dead, will surge into your soul, and in an instant you will feel as far removed from Tao as Heaven from Earth.

Has this ever happened to you?
Don't despair.
Let it go.
Do what comes next.

Accepting failure is a humbling experience, akin to enlightenment. In an instant you'll discover that Heaven and Earth are one and you've never been separated from Tao.

The Taoist sage learns to live accepting failure, and never fails."