Put one foot in front of the other...

[Elly4]

Well, I sent him a text today asking if we could have supper 30 minutes early because I need to go out to a board meeting. We both like to eat with our son as a family, so I'm not sure if this breaks the dark rules or not...

[Heart14]

Hi Eirinn! I think contacting him about supper was ok. Although next time I wouldn't ask his permission. Just tell him you need to eat early and leave for a meeting. Asking if it's ok gives off the vibe that you need his approval and you don't.

[Elly4]

That makes sense, Heart. Next time I'll think of that. I felt bad when I came home tonight from my GAL time to see my H's light on. The weather is bad as well as the roads and I would have normally let him know when I was leaving so he wouldn't worry.

[Cherry]

Yeah I'm with heart I don't think it breaks the rules- I would have said we need to eat earlier as I have a meeting. In that case he knows to expect it earlier. You've been assertive, and it's on his head if he's there or not then.

[Elly4]

So, I never did get feedback from some of the veterans on here and I can really use it as I'm freaking out again tonight...not that H saw it. On Tuesday night, H told me he was taking our S out to a Chinese restaurant while I was teaching. I told him I thought that was an excellent idea and to have fun. On Wednesday morning my three year old was bubbling over about what fun it was and that he wanted to do it again. Then when my H came home, my S looked at his dad and asked when they could go out to eat with the lady and her son again. I looked at my husband and he told me they met his friend there with her 10 year old son. This is the same friend he went to New York with.

Then today, he emailed me two job possibilities for the fall and came home with a list of things he needs to do to finish the house from us adding a second floor. I know I'm not supposed to mind read, but it seems pretty clear something is going on. Do I document this stuff, just ignore it, think about a boundary thing? Or am I just crazy!??!?!?!?

[Cadet]

Fairly clear he is having an affair, no you are not crazy, how does that fact change your thinking?

[Zephyr]

Eirinn, not crazy...but it feels like it.
I am sending happy thoughts your way.

[Heart14]

Definitely not crazy. I think it's fairly obvious something is going on. The level of their involvement we don't know. It's time to protect yourself. I would recommend deciding on some boundaries and showing through action that you are serious. Be strong and confident.

Have you met this "friend"? II am not familiar with your entire sitch so I may have missed if you told us before.

((((Eirinn))))

[Elly4]

Thanks Cadet, Zephyr, and Heart, I appreciate it. Cadet, I've never really set boundaries because we've just been going about our lives separately in the house. Some of my 180s have gotten responses and he's been talking more with me again which is good. But within the last two weeks he's been doing more things that are making me question my detachment. For example, he just texted me to say he won't be home for supper and we should eat without him, but he wants us all to go to a concert tomorrow. So, I can feel my stress climbing up.

I have been adamant that he wouldn't cheat on me, although maybe this is an EA not a PA but I don't know if I should do anything different.

Heart, I have met her. He is one of his employees and has been for 8 years and is married. Her H is on the road a lot. She is also the one he went to NY recently to see Les Miserables.

[Elly4]

Ok, small whine here. In all my preparedness for how my life will change without my best friend and H, I never figured in for no more getting to sleep in one day a week. I know, its small, but just a epiphany this morning.