It's been awhile since I've posted to you, but I've been keeping up with what's been going on since your h's return to your home. I'm sorry to read your h has been doing some pretty heavy drinking, especially in the past few weeks. You've said your h has always drank, but I get the impression it was more of a social drinker.
The big difference now with his drinking is his mlc. Most mlcers will try to mask the pain they are in by either drinking, being with ow, gambling, overeating, or whatever vice they turn to. Your h in this case is really no different, masking his pain, I'm sorry to say. I was hoping I was wrong when I wrote to you a few weeks back, and that his return signaled your h reaching acceptance, but it appears that your h is still right smack in the midst of replay. Yes, he may not be with ow but he still goes out to the bar and his buddies and often times stays later than you'd like him to. His emotions are very unsettled at the moment and that is also another sign of the part of replay where they are extremely confused, moody, wanting to pick fights, and following on the path of their chosen vice. Yes, he has some depression mixed in there as well, but it's not the true depression stage, depression is apparent throughout the entire mlc. He may be higher than a kite one minute and then lower than low the next. The true depression stage is down the road after he settles down a little.
Snodderly had a wonder post to you a few weeks back and she really has captured everything I'd like to say a whole lot better then I ever could. If you have some time, please go back and read her post. Your h at this time is trying to push your buttons and trying to pick fights with you, as well as trying to play on the emotions of both you and your son. It's his childish game right now, and yes, he's a child himself at this time. You're doing a good job detaching, but now is the time when it's very important to detach even more and if possible let what he says just roll off your back. He's trying to goad you big time.
Checking out al-anon may be a good idea for your piece of mind, if you're up to it, but please don't let your h know you're attending. Also, this isn't the right time to mention his drinking to him. He's in child mode and he will resist and resent it big time and do just the opposite of what you say.
Snodderly also has some good threads on depression over on the mlc board, i don't recall the title thread right now, something like the eyes of a visitor or something is one. There's some great information there that may be very helpful to you. Take care.
