I really hope that I explain this properly what I'm being given right now.
Your husband is not in the same place, but it looks like he is in the same place. At this time last year, there was no guilt whatsoever, or struggle to get through what he is having to get through.
You and your husband have swapped shoes. He is feeling what you went through, only he hides it behind the alcohol and you faced it head on. You are feeling the coldness that he felt so that you can better understand where he was at and how easy it is to want to get rid of someone when you feel the way that he did.
Do you understand what I am getting at? In order for you to see where he was, you have to go through what he went through. In order for him to see where you were and felt, he has to go through this. He ran to the bottle and you ran to the Bible. You both handled the situations differently.
Yet you are starting to understand how he felt. The shutting down of the emotions. Realizing that you don't feel bad about what the person is going through and that they can no longer push your buttons in order to make you feel guilty.
I really hope this is making sense. I have a clear picture of exactly what I am talking about, but I'm not sure if it is coming across right. There are so many things that you are both going to experience right now and you have to in order to complete this journey.
He has to understand what it is tht you went through and you must understand what it is that he went through. The only way to do that, is to feel what the other person felt during that time.
All those questions that you were asking yourself, were probably questions that he had asked himself when he was going through this in the beginning, but now they are more like why did I do this, how can I stop this, what do I need to do, how can I face the things that I have done.
He wants his mind to stop, but it is not going to stop until he faces things and repents of them. You are doing great and you are becoming very strong. Keep asking the Lord what it is that you need to do. He has your heart turned off in the manner that he has it for a reason. He is protecting you as well as showing you what your husband was feeling during that time.
Neither one of you are where you were a year ago. You never will be again either. As long as you keep standing firm and doing the things that you are doing and listening to the Lord, your rewards are going to be great!
