Minnie, Pattie, T2, UD, everybody..thank you all for your kind words.

I'm trying to put a finger on the way I'm feeling. My sitch isn't that different than anyone else's here, you are all correct except for the alcohol.

I really don't know that Al-Anon will help, maybe it will, but at this point I don't want to go somewhere and then have people telling me what it is I should do..which is what I feel will happen if I go to Al-Anon.

I feel that my sitch is worse because of the alcohol. I'm feeling that if he was having an A, is having an A that isn't as bad as his drinking? Or if there wasn't alcohol involved and the OW was gone, that I'd be where a lot of folks here are...piecing their marriages. I'm not really there yet am I. H is going through OW withdrawl, but the alcohol is needed to do that. So once he's through that, will he be strong enough to go through the alcohol withdrawl?

Today I'm having one of those why me days. I want to live my life with my son, enjoy my time, do things with my H, my family, minus the alcohol...and this may not go away.

I was thinking back to a year ago about this time, which is when H was seeing OW behind my back and drinking heavily. We're still at that point, except OW is not a secret and maybe out of the picture. We're back to where we were a year ago. I am different than I was then, much stronger, enlightened, detached, whatever, but H is still at that stage--make sense? It's like nothing's changed with my H. OMG--is this not what H said to me when he first moved out and kept blaming me for all his problems....the "nothing's changed here" and now it has tremendously...except I'm the one who changed, not H.

H made a smart ass remark this morning about something, a button pusher, and I could not take it seriously--H can no longer push my buttons. He can't and I think he knows it.

H is still stuck in the same place he was a year ago and has even said this...he just needs to fall on his head!

Cathy