But the only thing I'm struggling with is how I act right now. I have been flirting and stuff. Should I stop all that and go back to a couple of months ago where I didn't even acknoledg her except to say hi?
This was said before your last post, which included the following:
Quote:
Her and OM are getting a house together.
I don't think it's even necessary to comment.
((3kids)) I'm so sorry.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
This is heart-breaking news. I will keep you in my prayers.
But you will get through this!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
truly. But I'm not shocked. At times like this, (b/c you say "all her family/friends" oppose OM)
it SORT OF makes sense. To HER, the only way she can be "right all along" is if she and OM somehow make it.
No, I doubt they will but I also think this move in situation is the only way she will really truly get it.
So while I don't see this lasting, and while I also see how much it sukks to be you,
I want to point out the upsides to it.
Unlike your wife,
you won't keep looking over your shoulder to see where your ex is OR how they are doing
and when a song rekindles an old GOOD memory, you won't have to hide it,
or when the OM overlooks something b/c they don't know her as well as you do,
or doesn't have the same inside jokes,
you won't be constantly filled with self doubt. Or regrets...
Just make sure your changes are truly real, so that
you KNOW your w can't say "ah but 3k would have kept hurting me anyhow"
or "his changes were not going to last with me"
OR
"3k would have thrown this in my face every time we fought so there was no going back for me anyhow..."
and then you become the best dad and best Man you can become.
Once that^^ is done, and you really truly know it, you turn this marriage over to God
and let the cards fall where they will - and be at peace with yourself.
(Also when/if she says things like "you're just loving this aren't you", I'd say something brief and consistent with your authentic ethics, such as
"If you believe that w, you don't know me at all."
Or, just "God, no I don't love it at all."
If she brings up the past you can always say "I'm sorry I hurt you and if I had it all to do over again there are lots of things I'd do differently."
That^^ is not doormat talk and it shows change and it does not escalate matters.
Good luck, and no, I don't think this is the last of your tale. But we'll see.
(((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
