That makes sense. Thank you for the suggestion. I was going to hold onto it for a little anyway, but likely will not now. Letting her work out her problems is a better way to go. Of course, some of it kind of came out later on anyway before I could read your response.
W was looking rather upset, and actually in physical pain yesterday (it is her time of the month), so I did ask her what was wrong. She claimed she felt terrible emotionally and physically. Yesterday, W did visit her AA sponsor. When W left home and came back last month, she claimed she wanted to work on our marriage, and she was supposed to go through a "restructuring" and start over with the 12 steps. She was supposed to be in contact with her sponsor more often and actually work on herself and herself alone, without OM, as she has attached her happiness and recovery to him.
I asked her what her sponsor said about the recent occurrences. W replied that she was supposed to actually find her character defects and work on those. I asked what she thought they were, and she responded, "One is why do I feel like I have to lie to people all the time." I asked if she thought it was because the things she was lying about had negative connotations associated with them or if she felt people would judge her because of them. She responded "maybe?" I then mentioned, "The only things I felt lied to about were how you felt and about your addictions." She did agree to this, and I specifically did not say A, alluding to her A being an addiction. There was a little pause, then I asked her, "have you found out a way to make yourself happy for yourself yet? Without attaching it to a person or thing?" She responded with a very sincere, look, scared even, shaking her head no. I did mention my concern with this and how from the past, I did not feel she was ever able to do this as well. She did not respond with irritation. Acceptance actually. Nothing specific to our R, so she seemed better listening to it, good calm approach, though, yes, I should limit my talking with her.
We were not able to go any further with the conversation as S3 started butting in. She did seem like she wanted to say more though. I just did not push it.
S3 decided he was going to be difficult last night and not sleep in his own bed. He wanted to just sleep with his parents. W used this as an excuse to sleep in bed last night when I was doing other things.
MC appointment is supposed to be tomorrow. Should I remind her, but say that I do not want her going unless it is for anything but improving our marriage? I plan to go on my own at the moment to talk things over with MC and kind of use it as my own IC.
Yesterday, my father asked everyone if there were planning to attend me cousin's out of town wedding. W mentioned this this morning, claiming she would like to go. She said one of the big reasons she wanted to was so she can visit the place associated with one of the shows she likes watching. I did not respond to this aside from a joking standpoint, "Really? So you want to visit the actual place there?" I did not respond yay or nay to actually going yet. Not sure what I should do in this situation. I do not have to go, but would like to, but feel like if she does not want to work on our marriage and she wants to continue with her A, then not with her.
Also, I went and picked up some new cologne yesterday. Put it this morning. She claimed "that smells really nice." I just responded, "Thank you, I like it too."
