hold on! - 9

[u-turn]

Today I see the IC for the first time. I don't exactly know what to expect, but know I should force myself to be open with her. I am happy about trying to help myself for a change.

W knows I am going - she has suggested this in the past - but now I feel like she is blaming everything on me again and I feel that this proves it to her. (see u-turn, you have issues and that is what's wrong with everything).

We have been almost silent with each other, she is starting to take over tasks that I usually do around the house, occupying the kids attention while she's there. This really seams to be a complete switch around for the two of us. I feel like I am being pushed out the door.

We did talk a for a minute about the car repair problems (from the accident) the lawyer she hired to handle her dui case. She asked me what I was feeling - I told her I was holding a lot of anger. That's when I told her I was going to talk to someone. She asked if it was a lawyer - I said no, a C.

She asked when, who, where, where did you find her. I didn't want to think she needed to know much of this, but said it was a recommendation from someone. I know this worried her that I had talked to someone enough to get a recommendation for a therapist because again it this could tarnish her reputation.

Later she asked how I was feeling - she knows that my feelings are changing and that I seem to be "trying" less. I thought about it and I really feel empty. (I told her that)