I just read up on your sitch. I am going through very similar. I am in the same house and BR with my WAW. She is still in contact with OM. I know exactly the hard time you are having.
I agree with Toots. You must get a L ASAP. You need to know your rights. In the meantime, there is a very short book about the 10 most common mistakes men make in a D. Even if you are not planning on D, you should read it pronto. It is possible that your W will serve you D papers in the next while and you need to be prepared. A few short days ago you were still focused on R, but you cannot deny that your W is taking steps to separate. She seems to be positioning herself to extricate herself from your M. examples: trying to recruit your ILs, asking you to leave, etc... Denial is a recipe for disaster. You need to detach and look out for your best interests.
I think this has been drilled into you already, but just in case: DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. On a related matter, do you really thing your W has the wherewithal to leave with the children? How does she propose to do it? What will she tell the children? It seems like an immature plan. I would keep communication abut these things to a minimum. Right now, the less you say, the better. Still, you need to know your rights.
