Hi Laurie,

I feel like I AM fighting Satan this morning, like I am being pulled two different ways, I AM struggling.
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He let himself reach out to his son without being afraid of rejection. Why? Because he couldn't feel the pain of being rejected.



I'm going to tell you what happened. H was messing around with our S, picking him up, hugging him, trying to love him, being loving towards him. At one point S was getting irritated and wanted to be put down, left alone. S told H that he didn't want him in the house. Which S does say to H at different times. H teases S and gives S a hard time and S just says this stuff. So what does H do, H goes into our bedrom starts taking things out of his drawers and putting them into a laundry basket. I ask H what he's doing and he says leaving! I said why? H said "becuase S doesn't want me here" so S hears this and confirms that he doesn't want him there and comes in by me in the living room. Which is where I went, if H was going to leave I wasn't going to stop him, well I would have becuase he was that drunk. S then decides he doesn't want H to leave and goes back into the bedroom and tells H not leave..well it was like two 4 year olds. Son did get distracted by a turkey call he found. But H's stuff is exactly where he left it all on the floor. So this was pathetic and was just awful. So when this stuff happens I worry about the affect on S4..he's young and like I said doesn't know what is wrong with H or that anything is wrong with H.
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Yes, your husband drinks and it is a terrible disease, but kicking him out or anything like that is only adding to his problem. It isn't helping his problem because it doesn't give him an answer. The OW just accepted it as being a part of him. Yes, he does need to know that it is wrong and that he is killing himself while doing this, but he needs to know that he is loved inspite of it and that you are willing to help him to get through it.


I'm not kicking him out, I'm not going to yell, I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing, unconditional love. Something inside of me is not letting me give up, not letting Satan win! I think this is what the battle is all about and I feel like I am the only one fighting, believing that H can get through this..maybe not.

When I first met H I accepted his drinking as part of who he was, I was blind to H's problems. I was codependent. I am no longer that way, I have worked through all of that and can no step back and observe H and feel sorry for H becuase he trys so hard to make me feel bad about things that are wrong in his life and they no longer affect me that way. It is so clearly H's problem and has been all along. I am a different person than I was a year ago today, that is for sure!! This innner peace that I've found is just keeping me going and I am learning something every day.

H didn't go to OW last night, something brought him home to me and S. Up until last night OW's would have been where he went but he came home in his messed up condition. I think he was brought home as a lesson for me, to show me that I can be detached from H's drama, worlds, problems...but still be there for H.
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I can not express to you enough the importance for you to get in that prayer closet and pray harder then you have ever prayed for this man before. You need to understand that this is a hold that satan has on him and it is a strong one and the only way that you are going to win this battle is through prayer.



This is what I did last night once my S4 and Teenager-H were asleep and will continue to pray.

I also found "A Stander's Affirmation" and have that on my desk this morning.

I AM STANDING FOR THE HEALING OF MY MARRIAGE!... I will not give up, give in, give out or give over 'til that healing takes place. I made a vow, I said the words, I gave the pledge, I gave a ring, I took a ring, I gave myself, I trusted GOD, and said the words, and meant the words... in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in good times and in bad...so I am standing NOW, and will not sit down, let down, slow down, calm down, fall down, look down or be down 'til the breakdown is torn down!

I refuse to put my eyes on outward circumstances, or listen to prophets of doom, or buy into what is trendy, worldly, popular, convenient, easy, quick, thrifty, or advantageous... nor will I settle for a cheap imitation of God's real thing, nor will I seek to lower God's standard, twist God's will, rewrite God's word, violate God's covenant, or accept what God hates, namely divorce!

In a world of filth, I will stay pure; surrounded by lies I will speak the truth; where hopelessness abounds, I will hope in God: where revenge is easier, I will bless instead of curse; and where the odds are stacked against me, I will trust in God's faithfulness.

I am a STANDER, and I will not acquiesce, compromise, quarrel or quit.. I have made the choice, set my face, entered the race, believed the Word, and trusted God for all the outcome.

I will allow neither the reaction of my spouse, nor the urging of my friends, nor the advice of my loved ones, nor economic hardship, nor the prompting of the devil to make me let up, slow up, blow up, or give up 'til my marriage is healed.


Please don't judge me, please don't make me wrong for letting H stay. I know my H is a mess, I know a lot of people wouldn't put up with this kind of crapp. I wanted to kick the cra## out of H last night. I wanted H do just go away!!! Thankfully he went to sleep/passed out.

Cathy