Where to begin?

[Dawgs]

Not a whole lot to post as the situation seems to remain the same. We don't talk about us - that comes out in the counseling sessions; which, by the way, we have had two now and she wants to continue going.

I really don't know what to make of things. She suggested - to me and the counselor - that she wants to work on getting our friendship back and build that up before anything else happens, which I understand. After all, whichever way we move we need to get that friendship back. The optimist in me hopes that is a sign that she wants to give this a shot; however, the pessimist in me says that she is steering towards the "just friends" mode. She also admitted that she wanted a "quick fix" but now realizes that this will take time.

Now, here is a question relating to working on the friendship - we talked a bit about doing what she suggested (working on friends first...), so I suggested us getting a sitter for the day next weekend and just going somewhere (like historical places we both love, shopping) about an hour away - I told her we just go with no talk about us, no expectations, and just have a good time. She was not hesitant.

The counselor talked some about my changing (something she brought up - the 180 thing I realized and working on myself), and she went back to the fear of me returning to my old ways...and he said you do realize that it will take time and she agreed (I think that in some form, she needs to hear stuff from an "expert" or something of the like). After our session on the way home, she mentioned this and recognized it (I NEVER bring up that topic or mention my changing in any form) and even admitted that I am.

Something that I have noticed is that at night - after the kids are asleep - is that when she sits by me on the floor she wants a back rub (under the shirt - I know, TMI) every night now - there is no pulling away or anything resembling hesitation or unease. I know - breaking the 37... She continues to stay in the other room and still doesn't wear her ring, but it almost seems as if there is a thaw happening. If I do slip and say anything about us, she reverts back to saying that she still doesn't know and right now things haven't changed.

The SIL (the one I have had issues with) came up over the holiday weekend. We (me and the SIL) had a good talk, in which there was no attacking in any form. The SIL is also going through a divorce told me this outright - "if my husband were taking the steps you are to change, then we wouldn't be getting a divorce now." She brought that up, not me. Later, after the SIL left, my wife mentioned my changing - while we were talking about her sister - and said "you can and are, now its up to me to change (remember that old childhood issues rear their head in trust, etc)." Don't know what to think on that...

So, that's pretty much where things stand. I don't know what to think on things. I will continue to work on myself while continuing to clean, do dishes, etc. - all stuff that I hadn't done in quite sometime. Gotta work on me and hope for the best.