Hi Gwen and thank you so much Jellybean. You really gave me a lot of insight.
To answer your question Gwen, things are still very stressful. I am at a deadline with the IRS to get the P/W done, my D15 asked to stay with her mom this week and I told her that it was up to her. I really didn't want to lose her this week but I know she is wanting more control over her life. I feel like by backing off and letting her know I'm on her side, no matter what, she will feel less pushed and will actually want to spend more time with me. I had her the whole weekend and even had D19 and her boyfriend come over and stay the night Saturday. We all had so much fun we stayed up to 4:00 AM because we lost track of time! My boss at work is in one of his moods again and is talking about how he may need to fire someone (which he won't according to the people who have been there the longest) he just is so negative when he would get better results being positive with everyone.
The worst new news is that I got a message from a former client from the oil company I left in December. He was upset asking that I get back with him and talking like I was still with the company. I couldn't take the call at work so I emailed him when I got home. Seems that he can't reach anyone from my former company, isn't getting anything from his investments and hasn't even gotten his tax documents! I was asked not to contact my old clients so they could tell them I left so I haven't spoken to any of them. Now I'm worried that they have gone out of business and just left them all high and dry! I hate that! I know I have no control and it's not my fault but they bought from me and I feel I let them down. Worse, they may all believe I'm still with the company and who knows what they are doing! more stress I don't need.
I have to do taxes with W and she was supposed to come over and do them Sunday but was out of town and cancelled last min. I had told my D19 I would drive her home as she wanted to stay and see her mom (she has only seen her once since X-Mass!) but when W called and cancelled I made arrangements to bring her and D15 to my MIL's and they could spend time with her. W was actually not at all thankful that I put myself out so she could see her daughter but I didn't do it for her, I did it for D19 who really wants to have a R with her mom but her mom just refuses to make any effort. Yesterday she texted complaining about how I need to pay for something for the D. I told her I have a plan and will have it payed by the end of the month. She texted back that she was glad I had a plan and she was just very stressed out and "wants to get this over with" (meaning the D). Again, all will be well simply because she has that piece of paper!
Today I really thought it would be better to just disappear, just no longer keep trying. It just seems that no matter what I do, how hard I try, I never make progress. The IRS thing may be the last straw. If that doesn't go well I'm not sure what I'll do. It could end up putting me so far in a hole I'll never get out. Or it could go well and I'll be able to settle for a much smaller amount like I read about all the time.
I'm having trouble sleeping, I'm always on edge. I just need a break and there just never seems to be a single one to be had! My family was the thing I cared about the most in this world and my W's MLC took that away. My D15 is so hurt and confused. She feels so out of control and I can relate. She is the reason for me to keep going on. She needs me and I have to push through all this so she can see that no matter what happens in your life, you take responsibility and work your way out of it. I need to remember this because it's the thing that keeps me going when everything around me is falling apart. I guess that makes me lucky. At least I have that.
