Peter,

Originally Posted By: PeterV2
She says the A is over. She insists it is.
She says that she needs time to work on herself.
She says she feels she lost her independence with me and she's looking to regain that. She's taking steps to do that - seeing old friends again (women) and doing her own thing. I don't feel that she's spending any time with OM - zero. I don't even think she's in contact with him.


It is one of those 'trust, but verify moments' for you.

Originally Posted By: PeterV2
I'm just waiting until after D28 gets married in July. Then I'll deliver my message: R or go.


Peter, I think you've got this a bit backwards. One cannot force a spouse to reconcile or not. However, you can state your need for transparency in no uncertain terms and give her a deadline to come to a decision. Inform her that for the M to truly heal, then it demands radical honesty from both partners.

If she's still not willing to do what it takes to heal the M and truly commit to it, then you have your answer.

I'd recommend that you copy and print the article titled "Is it reasonable to want to talk about the affair?" from Dear Peggy website and leave it for W to read at her pace.

Below are some suggestions that I've gleaned from the web on recovering from an A and requesting transparency.

Explain to your man (woman) that you need him (her) to be transparent for a certain period of time so you can start to trust him (her) again. Try saying something like:

"I think we both want the same thing, which is to work through this together. It'll be really important in helping ease my fears and building trust if I'm able to check up on you from time to time. What do you think about that?"