Getting back to me

[mustardseed]

Work went very well. Since taking the Xanax I started feeling like myself again. At first I thought that maybe just being back in the throws of thing was enough to make my anxiety subside, but I realized that the feeling start coming back right around the time I am supposed to take my next dose. Hopefully this a temporary necessity. I hate taking medicine, even the baby asprin I'm supposed to take once a day annoys me and I never do it.

I handed in my plans but the principal didn't really have a time to look it over. At the end of the day I checked in with her and let her know the day went pretty well, although Tuesdays usually do go smoothly. She took a quick look and I told her a few areas that still have me stumped and she gave me some suggestions.

I have some work to do to prepare for the meetings on Friday, but the Xanax has pretty much elminated the paralyzing feeling I was having and instead now I just experience a more appropriate wave of urgency and uncertainty that comes with deadlines and new experiences rather than the extreme panic.

I still seem to be sucking at the going dark piece of this. But I spoke to a therapist today and I feel like I am getting the perspective back that I had before I found out about OW. Why the hell am I with this man? Poor thing is going to fall apart once this is all done because he can barely manage life. I forgot all about that part. I have behaved very badly, but what it all comes down to is that he is not worth it. However, I am not going to complicate my life for his convenience. Once the timing is good for me I will make my move. Unless he actually takes some initiative for once in his life and actually gets it done.