FIDO - Changing The Rules - Pt 1

[Train]

So glad to hear that everything went smoothly with surgery.

As for where you go from here? I wouldn't worry about it. I think you're exactly where you are supposed to be, at the moment you're supposed to be there.

It's not surprising to me at all that you're "here," emotionally. Your W has made A LOT of hefty withdrawals from your Love Bank. And she hasn't made many deposits to replenish. You are now the one who is almost in the red (the same place she was when she made such a selfish choice to betray you).

I, for one, think it's far past time that your W does some of the heavy-lifting where the M is concerned, if it's going to be salvaged. If the M is going to work, in many cases the wayward spouses (formerly or otherwise, especially if they've never felt a credible threat of losing the LBSs) aren't motivated to do much heavy-lifting until or unless they've felt the LBS begin to truly detach from them. Once they feel they may have pushed too far and they see the once-completely-committed spouse start to lose their die-hard commitment, oftentimes something "clicks." It's unfortunate. But that's oftentimes just the way the cookie crumbles. For your M's sake, I just hope it's not too late.

I think you should keep doing what you're doing. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. If your W refuses to step up, you'll know when you're done. If she steps up, it'll be HER turn to do all the self-work for herself that you've done for *you* these past several months.

For now, enjoy your self-peace. You've earned it.